Have you ever felt absolute hopelessness and even stopped asking “Where can I find happiness?” Have you felt like it in recent times, especially during the COVID-19 pandemic? If your answer is ‘Yes”, then perchance, you might need to go through this article, as it may help you get some clarity about your feelings.
This article is meant to succour you to figure out if you need to look harder, look elsewhere, or simply create a new world of happiness. The guarantee is, you will find it one way or another.
What is Happiness?
‘Happiness’ is an abstract concept. Not only do different people find happiness in different things, but also, every individual perceives happiness differently. We all express our happiness differently. There is no specific place where one can find one’s happiness because one doesn’t really know for sure what will help.
What is Contentment?
People sometimes use the words ‘happiness’ and ‘contentment’ interchangeably - but they are not the same. However, they can often come hand-in-hand though. Contentment is a sense of fulfilment, satisfaction, or peace. Contentment can give rise to happiness but we can also feel happy if we are not content. ‘Contentment’ is basically not an emotion but rather a state of mind marked by permanence. Whereas ‘Happiness’ is more intense but could be short-lived. So, now if you’re questioning whether you can find happiness without contentment, the answer is yes.
For example, when you discover that your crush likes you too, you are most likely to feel happy, excited, and hopeful. But it does not suggest that you are content. You could still want more, right? You would want to date your crush and find out what the future holds.
This brings us to defining ‘Contentment’. Contentment would come when you already are in a relationship with the person. You feel at peace and safe in the relationship. Contentment emanates from a sense of stability from a situation where you will think with certitude that you have a source of long-lasting happiness.
How to Find Happiness
Happiness can come from any sense of achievement. Achievement is invariably complemented by happiness and it can come to your life in both expected and unexpected ways.
Here are the common ways to be happy.
The right kind of company
Happiness is achieved in the company of like-minded people. If pessimistic people can bring us down, optimistic people can lift us. Hence, it is important to surround ourselves with happy people who will refuel our positive attitude. However, positivity is not to be confused with toxic positivity. Toxic positivity dismisses negative emotions. It is a lazy victim-blaming approach towards sadness or dejection. True positivity validates all sorts of feelings and understands them independently so that we can deal with them instead of bottling them up to hide from unhelpful criticism.
Nostalgia
Happy memories could make you feel like “This is where I find happiness”. Even though nostalgia often evokes a quiet sadness by making us miss those happy times from our past, people often tend to fall back on happy memories from the past instead of focussing on their present state where they may or may not be happy. But it is all about the attitude. We can always revisit happy events even if we do have enough of them in the present.
Also, it helps if we can develop an attitude where we are happy for having been blessed with those happy moments in our past in lieu of being sad for the same not being there anymore. Of course, this applies only to cases where it is natural for things to end. For instance, we cannot expect positivity from a person who has just lost a dear family member or friend.
Through Collective Goals
Humans are social creatures and studies have shown that we thrive in a community. A community is where there is a common goal that benefits everybody, and everybody works towards it. And it is through these collective goals, that we can find happiness for all. Collective goals make us happy in a two-pronged way. We feel happy when we help others because the noble act gives meaning to our life, making us feel capable. We also feel happy when others help us because it makes us feel valued and cared for.
Building our Self-Esteem
Happy people, who are surrounded by supportive family and friends, obviously have far more self-esteem than others. But even those who don’t have a healthy support system can be happy by building self-esteem. If you are now searching for your fair share of happiness, then it might be a good idea to check if you are surrounded by toxic relationships. If you are, then you need to fix the situation. You may consider going for a therapy session to learn how to recognize and get away from toxic, narcissistic, abusive people. Those who are not made to feel valued need to learn that they have value in just existing. They aren’t only valuable when they are useful. Sometimes, it takes therapy to really believe that. And your therapist can be a friend, family member, mentor or professional therapist. But sometimes, we can help ourselves just by choosing to believe in ourselves. Just like we value others for just being, we can do the same for ourselves.
Mindfulness
Living in the present helps us experience life instead of watching it pass by. When past regrets worry us about the future, move aside to make way for peace and joy into your present and make yourself happy. Practising this mindfulness takes us a long way. It can be difficult in the beginning, but it’s nothing that one can’t do.
Hedonism
Everybody is materialistic. Listening to the hedonist in us in moderation helps us develop a healthy appreciation for life and its finer things. As Maslow’s Law states, we cannot reach self-actualization without climbing the stairs of needs and desires.
Charity
Over-application of anything is harmful, and so is hedonism. Hedonism needs to be balanced with charity - that’s when we can understand the value of splurging on ourselves. Also, unless we are absolutely selfish, being there for others brings happiness, isn’t it? It doesn’t work if we think “Can I find happiness” through charity? You don’t need to worry about that; just help people in your own small ways and that is it. The thing is happiness should be an unexpected effect and not a goal.
Money
Those who say “money can’t buy happiness” are not spending their money in the right places. Balancing hedonism and altruism require money. Money brings security and joy. Knowing that we can buy our loved ones what they love and that we can take care of them when they are sick obviously makes us feel good and happy about ourselves. Knowing that we can help people in need can actually lead us to feel happy and worthy of this life.
Discipline
As uninteresting as it may sound in recommending that a fixed routine is a cure for depression, people who already have a healthy and balanced lifestyle, do benefit from discipline. Work, exercise, socialising, personal time – all these find places in our daily routine. These make us feel accomplished, healthy, energised, and happy. So, to simplify the foregone statement - both discipline and spontaneity, independently, can secure a happy state for us.
Let Go
We must never give up hopes and efforts but we must let go of what’s not worth it. Don’t let a toxic friend, romantic partner, employer, or even relative play down you and your capabilities and choices. It is your life and you learn through hits and misses. Try to stay away from them. Ignore them and their actions.
Seek Happiness in Little Things
Finding between the pages of an old book can make you very happy even though you know that you have quite a fat wallet! Isn’t it funny? This is because humans can naturally find happiness in the little things. Unexpected sweet gestures, our favourite ice cream, a heart-warming movie, or the antics of a pet can make us happy regardless of whether we are sad or worried.
The thing is that there is really no one formula or rule to “Where can I find happiness?” These 11 things are just some common examples that will help you start in your pursuit of happiness. It is important to remember to not blame ourselves if we are unhappy. Remember, self-esteem is crucial to finding happiness and our happiness is our responsibility, but our sadness isn’t necessarily our fault!