We were expected to climb corporate ladders in heels, keep a tidy home, and somehow find time to pack perfectly balanced lunchboxes for imaginary children – all without a single hair out of place. It’s a wonder we’re not perpetually on the brink of collapse.
As a 34-year-old millennial woman born in the ‘90s, I’ve spent much of my life chasing timelines that I thought defined success. Millennials like me were raised to believe we could and should do it all: excel in our careers, be working women, and at the same time play the perfect daughter, wife, and mother—all while hitting these milestones at precisely the “right” times. Life, as it was presented to us, wasn’t just a journey; it was a race. Graduate by 22, land the dream job by 25, find “the one” by 30, get married, buy a home, and step into motherhood shortly after. But here I am, at 34, reflecting on a reality that looks nothing like the plans I once made. Those milestones that seemed so attainable in my twenties now feel like distant mirages.
The Race To Perfection
The dream job I imagined hasn’t quite materialised the way I’d hoped. Though many would consider me successful and on the correct path and timeline, I can’t help but wonder if the speed at which I’m growing is good enough. Am I settled enough to buy my own home? Can I reach a place where I’m able to tell my parents to retire, take care of their needs, and send them on the vacations they deserve? These questions weigh heavily on my mind, and I’ve realised much of this pressure comes from within, fuelled by my desire to be everything to everyone.
And then there’s the conversation around motherhood, a topic that feels particularly weighted as a woman. The concept of late motherhood isn’t just theoretical anymore; it’s personal. There’s an unspoken expectation to juggle it all—to build a career, nurture relationships, and have children—all before an invisible clock runs out. The societal narrative can feel crushing: “Don’t wait too long.” “Don’t prioritise work over family.” “Don’t let time slip away.” The pressure is relentless, and it’s hard not to feel its weight. Honestly, I sometimes wonder if this invisible clock was set by the same person who decided jeans should be “skinny.” Both concepts are equally restrictive and equally unnecessary. But what I’ve come to realise is that it’s not too late. It’s never too late. Dreams don’t come with expiry dates. Being a mother, for example, is a deeply personal choice, and motherhood itself comes in many forms—not just the conventional biological way.
Reflecting On Missed Milestones
Whether it’s nurturing a child, a career, a passion project, or even yourself, the essence of life is about love and care, not adhering to a timeline. Unlearning these timelines has been one of the most challenging and liberating journeys of my life. For so long, I equated my worth with accomplishments—checking off boxes that weren’t even mine to begin with. Falling short of those expectations left me drowning in anxiety and self-doubt, questioning my place in a world that seemed to reward only perfection. But this year, I’m learning to rewrite the narrative. I’m choosing compassion over criticism, allowing myself to accept that life isn’t a race but an ever-evolving journey.
Being a woman means you’re simultaneously the project manager of your life and the unpaid intern doing all the emotional labour. But it also means having the resilience to challenge those norms, to redefine what success and fulfilment look like. It means acknowledging that our worth isn’t tied to the timelines we’ve been handed. Growth isn’t linear, and it doesn’t come with deadlines. It emerges in those quiet moments of self-reflection, in the courage to pivot when things don’t go as planned, and in the grace to embrace our imperfections.
The Power Of Vulnerability
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned along the way is the power of communication. Sharing my fears, those moments of weakness, and the times I feel like I’m not enough has been transformative. It’s taught me the value of trusting my partner and leaning on my family. The truth is, we’re not meant to carry these burdens alone. Vulnerability doesn’t make us weaker; it makes us human.
Embracing Life’s Surprises
As I step into this new year, I’m choosing to let go of the rigid timelines that once governed my life. I’m focusing on self-acceptance, embracing the uncertainty of what lies ahead, and allowing myself to dream without the constraints of arbitrary deadlines. I want to live with curiosity, to find joy in the journey rather than the destination, and to remind myself daily that I am enough just as I am.
In the end, the magic of life isn’t in ticking off boxes – it’s in finding the courage to be yourself, be in the moment and go at it one step at a time.