You feel like your to-do list seems to never end. Be it at work or home (or working from home), you're constantly on edge. You find yourself stressing over minor flaws and errors while ignoring important milestones and successes. You're fatigued physically and mentally, as well as dissatisfied and restless. Does this ring a bell?
You might be suffering from the hazards of perfectionism. Perfectionism might be difficult to identify in a fast-paced society when excess demands are readily piled on. After all, you may be convincing yourself that putting in the effort and doing things correctly is what gets you ahead in life.
Perfectionists have high expectations of themselves and their loved ones. They have a proclivity for visualising a successful result and excel at mobilising all of their resources to achieve it (s). While this can be a positive and beneficial feature, perfectionists frequently get into difficulties when their thoughts, goals, or standards become excessively inflexible.
When the bar is set very high, one can fall deeper into self-pity, if the goals are not met. This can result from a lack of flexibility in the present moment due to an overabundance of goals and standards. While perfectionist tendencies have many positive aspects, it is critical to recognise the traps associated with perfectionist tendencies toward extreme thinking.
Perfectionism Traps
Six classic perfectionism traps are outlined in “The Cognitive Behavioral Workbook for Anxiety” (Knaus, 2008). They are:
1. Self-Perfectionism
Self-perfection traps people in the mindsets of "I must not make mistakes," "I must have other people's acceptance," and "I must act in a certain manner to be worthy." When people adopt this style of thinking, even the tiniest hint of criticism can be excruciatingly painful, as can severe emotions of shame or self-punishment when they make a mistake.
These kinds of erroneous perceptions keep you stuck. They have a habit of repeating themselves in the mind, almost as if they are mocking or punishing themselves. These thoughts take you out of the present moment (i.e., mindlessness) and prevent you from modifying your behaviours in a way that will help you achieve your objectives.
2. Social Perfectionism
The belief that others "should" follow your rules is known as social perfectionism. Since the only person's behaviour you can control is your own, this kind of perfectionism and control will eventually backfire. Try to manage other people's conduct if you want to place yourself in a position where you'll be frustrated, ineffectual, and lose touch with individuals you care about.
Other people's thoughts and desires may sometimes coincide with your own, and you can enjoy engaging in comparable activities with them. People may hold opposing viewpoints or have different wants/needs at other times. Start by focusing on what you can tolerate about important individuals in your life to discover how to increase your emotional tolerance. Find one good to counteract each bad.
3. Learning Perfectionism
When you're trying to learn anything new, you can develop perfectionism by becoming your own worst critic. Perfectionists can be their harshest critics, punishing themselves excessively if they don't pick up new skills or knowledge "straight away." Recognise the rigidity of this thinking, as well as the negative effects it has on you.
When learning a new skill, we might all be uncomfortable and slow. Reframe your challenge as an opportunity to learn. Failure, both minor and huge, may teach you a lot. Apply mindfulness to learning challenges - actually examine and notice where the difficulties occurred, as well as the accompanying thoughts and feelings you had as a result.
4. Product Perfectionism
Product perfectionism is the belief that anything that isn't "perfect" in what you produce is a threat or unacceptable, and it causes people a lot of anxiety. Many perfectionists who are embarking on a new project at home or at work experience intense worry about whether the final output will be "good enough" or achieve some ideal standard.
Many people's anxiety about the end product's perfection hinders them from acting when they should and keeps them mired in the "development phase" for far too long. Recognise that development is a process to reinterpret your fear. It's important to remember that there are numerous stages to generating new products and that there are often possibilities to go back and make changes afterwards.
5. Comparative Trap
When you compare your successes to those of others, you fall into the comparison trap. Perfectionists are prone to idolising and comparing themselves to others who have achieved great success. While having great role models can be exciting and motivating, be careful that it doesn't lead you to believe that you'll never be content "enough" with your work to gain traction and momentum.
When you compare your success and performance to that of others, it often makes you feel anxious and fearful. Sometimes, even being around folks you believe are better than you in some way, can trigger your anxiety. Rather than getting caught up in the competitive mindset, concentrate on how you can improve. Compare your current self to your old self, if you must compete or compare at all. Make an effort to be “better” than you were previously.
6. Performance Anxiety
When you begin to believe that you must achieve in all of your pursuits, you may develop performance anxiety. This is the belief that success is the only option and that mistakes are unavoidable and should be avoided at all costs. This is a rigid way of thinking that is unrealistic and difficult to sustain over time.
Focusing on performing to the best of your abilities at each given moment is a fresh way of reframing this drive to succeed in "everything." Recognise that you will not be able to perform at your best if you are exhausted or sick. Mindfulness training can help you become more aware of your current mental, emotional, and physical state, allowing you to assess your genuine capabilities in any given situation.
Overcoming Perfectionism Traps
The first step toward making significant, long-term improvements in your life is to recognise your challenges. You can overcome your perfectionistic urges, just like you have defeated many other tasks in your life.
Therapy can assist you in comprehending the source of your perfectionism. It may be necessary to delve into aspects of your past to examine early messages about success and worthiness. While this effort may be unpleasant, it is sometimes important for improving self-awareness.
Therapy can also assist you in learning to tolerate distress and take a more balanced, middle-ground approach to life. Learning to embrace the underlying premise of being good enough is essential to dismantling perfectionism.
It takes time to overcome perfectionism (which can be challenging for a perfectionist to accept). You will develop new coping techniques for managing your emotions in therapy. You'll also learn how to discover and harness your inner self-worth, which isn't based on how you appear or what you achieve.
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