Author George Eliot said, ‘It’s never too late to change what you might have been’. In the frenzy of life though, our professional goals and personal passions are frequently laid to the curb in favour of duties and responsibilities that come with parenting. This is especially true in the case of women, because it is never a level playing field. As a result, our lives revolve around our families and their needs. When children finally leave home to study, work, or settle down in another home, city or country, the dreaded Empty Nest Syndrome finally hits us.
The Empty Nest Syndrome (ENS) is not a clinical or medical diagnosis, but rather a subjective phenomenon that occurs as a result of parents’ reaction to their children leaving home. It is experienced by middle-aged people, particularly women. According to the National Library of Medicine, ‘This transition from crisis to self-regaining includes the stages of mourning or resistance reaction, feelings of loss or passive behaviours, sublimation or impulsive behaviours, adaptation, and relief. It initiates with the last child’s departure and can continue for up to two years.’ Parents who feel an extreme sense of loss might find it hard to cope, but there are certain practical mechanisms to do so. You can embrace the change and throw yourself wholeheartedly into it, ensuring that you’re living your best life. Psychologist and counsellor Dr Bhoomika Reddy has some pointers to make the golden years count:
Reconnect with your partner: The Empty Nest provides you with the perfect opportunity to rekindle a connection with your partner, and start re-exploring common hobbies and interests. If you’re single, it’s the ideal time to introspect and savour freedom for the first time in years.
Accept your child’s decision: It is important to remain in contact with your child, but remember they have their own lives to lead. Respect the amount of space they would like and maintain that distance. Only then, will you start making headway with your independent life and progress.
Create a vision board: What drives you and makes you happy? What are your passions? Where do you see yourself? Be self-aware about the pursuits that bring you joy and a sense of purpose. You don’t have to be good at them, but if you are, it’s a bonus. Write down your goals, or create a vision board to make them more tangible and give you a roadmap on how to proceed.
Get out of your comfort zone: ‘A ship in harbour is safe, but that’s not what ships are for’. It’s been so long since you tried something new, that the fear of failure or rejection may be daunting. Don’t be afraid to take risks and try out new things. It could be a sport, or a dance class, or even as simple as joining a club. If you stay within your comfort zone, you limit your potential and hinder growth.
Find like-minded people: Once your kids have moved out, it helps to surround yourself with a community of people who share your common interests. You don’t have to make friends for the sake of filling up your social calendar, but there’s no harm in seeking out like-minded people. Are you an avid trekker or traveller? Find a group that organises such trips for older people. Do you enjoy art? Join a painting or sculpting class. Do you want to find a sense of purpose? Consider volunteering for a cause so that you make a difference to the lives of others. Surround yourself with positive people who are supportive of your pursuits, and encourage you to be the best possible version of yourself.
Focus on your health: This is also the time to shine a spotlight on your well-being – both physical and mental. You may have put your health and fitness needs aside to make time for family commitments, but you can change that now. Find a suitable exercise regime that works for you – yoga, dance, strength-training or a sport. Consult your physician for clearance before you start any new workout. Ensure you start off under the guidance of a trained fitness instructor. Pursue any hobbies that you enjoy for better mental health. It increases neuroplasticity and buffers against memory loss. Exercise also improves sleep quality, lowers blood pressure, and reduces the risks of heart disease, stress, anxiety, and depression.
Consider professional growth: If you’re not already working, perhaps it’s time to go back to work, at least part time. Consider upskilling and joining short-term courses, engage with people from your industry to find out how much has changed and what you can do to keep up.