The big challenge during the pandemic has been - how to handle a jerk! How does one deal with someone else's bad behaviour without being a jerk oneself? Are you dealing with someone at work or in your social life who leaves you feeling depleted?
Bob Sutton, author of The A--hole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt, says, "Jerk Behaviour is contagious. They’re out there, making your life miserable, crushing your soul — perhaps thriving in your office or social circle: jerks, backstabbers.” According to Sutton, the worst ones to deal with are the strategic smart ones as they can be the most successful, and they know when to turn it on and off. Adam Grant writes in the New York Times.: “But sometimes you’re stuck dealing with a certified jerk. Research on the psychology of certified jerks reveals that they have a habit of rationalizing aggression.”
In social life and professional, don't let jerks take over your life. Nastiness is NOT the new normal. At some point in our life, be it at work or socially, we have to interact with a jerk and you need to be ready in how to deal with them. The pandemic saw a shift in Jerkology, says writer Jeremy Sherman in Psychology Today, "Jerkology asks what distinguishes jerks and how to stop them without becoming one in the process. Being a jerk is a lifestyle. Jerks are not distinguishable by what they claim to believe but by how they strut it." We are witness to a lot of jerk-on-jerk battles, people accusing each other of being the real jerks. People behaving badly has become the hallmark of a hurry-up world. Says actor Raima Sen, "The best way to deal with jerks and bad behaviour is to keep quiet. Silence speaks volumes. Don't react."
The corporate world is witness to jerk wars. The pandemic made everyone more angry, aggressive and insecure. Everyone encountered brilliant jerks in Zoom meetings. These are the people who can be unquestioningly smart. Like Netflix CEO Reed Hastings who said, “Do not tolerate brilliant jerks." Here are 5 ways to manage jerks:
Keep The Jerk At A Distance
Jerk behaviour is contagious. If someone is being a jerk, you will also react equally badly. The best way is to avoid jerks. Emotional contagion means you’ll unconsciously mimic behaviour of the people around you. Reduce your interactions with the jerk. Says actor Shama Sikander, "The best way is to slow down any communication. I have often seen so many people trolling celebs, being rude or behaving notoriously. It can get really nasty. You learn by not really reacting, and being in control of the situation."
Practice Emotional Detachment
If you have to interact with jerks, try to not let it affect you. Don’t let a jerk’s actions have an impact on your day. Just ignore them and write them off as being the rude people that they are. Says model Elena Fernandes, "There are times when I just smile back, say live your life without letting other people's behaviour impact me at all. But letting someone's attitude affect you in any sense in a negative matter will only affect you and not the other person. Take everything with a pinch of salt and move on."
Invest In Your Own Sense Of Thriving
Focus on your own wellbeing. When people feel even an inkling of thriving, it often buffers them from distractions, stress and negativity.
Don’t Talk About Them
Don't talk about the rude person when they’re not around. Don't talk to other people about them. Discussing the jerk’s behaviours with other people could make things worse.
Keep Your Dignity
It seems as if an increasing amount of people are making less of an effort to be on their best behaviour these days. If there is someone in your life who makes you feel small, belittled, or insignificant when you’re around them, it’s time to move on. Do your best to keep your dignity when you’re facing rude people.