Coined by medical anthropologist Dana Raphael, Matrescence is the phase that defines the physical, psychological and emotional changes one goes through after the birth of a child. Simply put, it is the process of becoming a mother. Motherhood is traditionally represented by the birth of a child, what society fails to realise is when a child is born, so is a mother, said clinical psychologist, Rekha Bajaj. Stepping into this unchartered world can be daunting for a young first-time mother with little to no knowledge of what to expect. Yet, despite the everlasting impact this change leaves, several experts believe that the progression of becoming a mother has been largely unexplored in the medical community. “Our families, science, doctors keep us well informed about the physical and psychological changes we experience when we hit puberty but, none of that knowledge is imparted to women before going through a fundamental transformation when they are having a baby. I often get several would-be or new mothers coming to me with severe anxiety. The worst part is they feel the need to hide this anxiety from their partners and families.”
First-time mom Meghna Srivastava, 28, always wanted to be a mother and loved being pregnant, she expected to feel the same way about her journey as a mother but she found herself coping with mixed emotions and a changing identity as she struggled to find her footing into this new role. "I always felt that it would just be really easy, because I always wanted to become a mother, I thought I would instantly connect with my child and my maternal instinct would be up there. But I struggled. I struggled to feed my child, to get her to stop crying, I even struggled to answer phone calls; taking a shower was a task. Motherhood is hard and we are just expected to take on the role and expect no help. It took a toll on my mental well-being, my physical health, I love my baby girl but the initial 24 months after my pregnancy was when I lost myself completely.”
Talking about a New York Times essay on Matrescence by reproductive psychiatrist Alexandra Sacks, M.D, Bajaj said, “Sacks discusses the changes that often take place in the transition to motherhood – identity changes; changes in family dynamics or with the partner; changes in sexual dynamics with the partner. These are things that are not discussed with new mothers and are often ignored in the Indian household. Simply being informed and conscious of these changes you might experience, and the emotions you might encounter between expectations and reality can help you better adjust to motherhood.”
Mother of two Pooja Mahtre, 39, said, “Motherhood is not those photo ops and Instagram-worthy shots with your baby, it is all the unfiltered stuff—and it’s not always accurately on display. Feeling emotions like doubt, guilt, and shame; and even being stressed with what you imagined motherhood to look like versus what your reality of your motherhood is can make you dizzy.” When asked if she knew the term Matrescence, Mahtre laughed and said, “I don’t think I remember visiting a doctor for my health after my first-born let alone paying attention to my mental health, it was always about him and his health. Becoming a mother is a huge, and complex shift that can rock every fibre of a person's being, it’s reassuring to know that this process is now being acknowledged and recognised.”
Bajaj highlights the similarities between matrescence and the awkwardness of adolescence, "It's a complete 360 shift in multiple areas of your life. You're going to feel it with your family. You're going to feel it with your peers. You're going to feel it at your job. So, as you journey through the highs and lows of new motherhood, remember that this inconsistency is normal.”
Bajaj explains that there is a lot one can do at home to get some stability during this life stage – 1) Letting go of expectations, whether they are set by your or your surroundings is the best thing you can do for yourself. 2) Always set up a game plan with your partner or family, the idea of a super mom may seem incredible but it is far from it. 3) Love yourself, do not let go of who you are. Take time out to connect with your body and mind. Caring for a baby in the beginning is difficult but as you get the hang of things, you become more self-assured.” She further advises that rather than looking at it as a loss of identity, treat it like an evolution and embrace it.
Srivastava agrees, "I am a much stronger person, mentally and physically. Sure, my priorities are different and I will always prioritise my baby girl. But once I broke out of my shell, spoke about it with my partner the feeling was empowering.”