After speaking to about 20 mothers for this story, I can safely say that there is nothing that can truly prepare you for motherhood. From conceiving to post-delivery issues, the jury was unanimous in their verdict: You can study all you like, but everyone experiences situations that take them completely by surprise. Here are some real accounts from women about the things they wish they knew about before they got pregnant.
Sanjana Salunkhe Menezes, 28, Beauty Editor
"I wish someone told me that cutting myself some slack and just going with the flow was okay. Being a new mum is so overwhelming—and the pandemic didn't help—that you're always wondering if you're doing the right thing. I would get so bogged down and would constantly doubt/blame myself to the point where I would be mentally and physically exhausted."
Raina Kapadia, 32, Attorney
“As much as I love my daughter, I feel like I have never seen her smile. Every time she cries, she is handed over to me for a feed, and every single time I do that, I feel like a cow.”
Khyati Jhaveri, 35, Homemaker
“The thing they don’t tell you is how pregnancy makes you forget things. Simple things like filling out forms for doctor’s appointments, turning up anywhere on time, and remembering why you’ve entered a room–all feel like a mammoth task.
Shreya Ramakrishna, 29, Lawyer
“I wish I knew I could ask for help and that I didn’t have to do everything myself. The idea that mums are superhumans needs to be done away with. It reinforces the toxic impression that they don’t need help and can do everything themselves, and trivialises all the sacrifices they’ve made. It makes new mothers like me, who are as it is overwhelmed, feel inferior or that they aren’t doing enough.”
Rhea Gilani*, 30, Artist
“Instead of all the advice, I wish someone told me to not cling on to the expectations I had for when I was pregnant. When I lost my baby, it was still early in the pregnancy. I want to tell other mums, as early or late it is in your journey, I see you and feel you in your pain. The loss is very real.”
Lekha K*, 57, Homemaker
“Feeling bad or down when you’re a new mum doesn’t make you ungrateful or a villain. I wish someone told me that feeling a loss of identity after not one, but both my kids, was normal. I realise I didn’t focus on my needs at all, so don’t make that mistake.”
Shalini*, 42, Marketing Manager
“You will feel guilty for everything whilst pregnancy and post-delivery. Not resting enough or resting too much, not producing enough breast milk, not being able to soothe the baby when it cries or knowing why, not keeping in touch with your friends, for working too much–the list is really endless.”
Trupti*, 40, Homemaker
“I wish I knew beforehand that my Type-A personality wouldn’t serve me at all while I was pregnant. It took me some time to understand that all pregnancies are different and everything the what-to-expect-when-you’re-expecting books tell you isn’t true. I became a worrier and overly conscious about how my body was changing and the symptoms I was experiencing. From swollen fingers to itchy skin, I called my gynaecologist for everything. Pregnancy can be a wild ride.”
Abhilasha Agarwal, 41, Entrepreneur
“People will stop seeing you as a whole person, and by that I mean you become invisible for them. The new baby takes centre stage and it is hard to not be resentful about it. To fight that feeling, make sure you communicate with your partner and close family about how you feel. Mothers deserve to be seen, heard, checked in on and fussed over too!”
Juni Bahuguna, 35
“I wish I knew that getting pregnant is really and truly a journey. One, which is easy for some and harder for others. There is a whole ovulation cycle that you have to follow and the window to get pregnant is very small. Furthermore, no matter how careful you are, there are so many things that are out of my control like pre-eclampsia, genetic disorders and more. The thing that took me by surprise was that my baby was born 10 days past the due date! Apparently it is very common but I wasn’t aware of it.”
Names changed on request*