You may have experienced or witnessed scenarios at restaurants, malls or social gatherings where parents either hand over their phones upfront to keep kids busy or from creating a commotion at a public place. In some cases, the kids keep nagging their parents until they ultimately surrender their phones to them.
When requested to put down the device, kids may scream, cry, or even physically resist. We’ve all seen the battles that arise when parents attempt to talk to older kids while they’re still playing an online game or take away a preschooler’s iPad. These meltdowns can put off everyone’s mood and ultimately degenerate into power battles that further distance you from your objective of using technology in a healthy, balanced manner.
Clinical Psychologist, Mehezabin Dordi explains that tantrums are a normal part of childhood development, as toddlers struggle with emotional regulation. Instead of resorting to a smartphone, parents can adopt the following strategies:
Stay calm and regulate yourself first: Children mirror parental emotions. If you react with frustration, it escalates the meltdown. Take deep breaths, lower your voice, and maintain composure.
Validate their feelings: Acknowledge the child’s emotions: For instance, ‘I see that you’re upset because you want the mobile phone. It’s okay to feel this way.’ This helps them feel heard and reduces the intensity of the tantrum.
Redirect attention: Engage them in an activity such as looking at something interesting in the surrounding environment (eg ‘Look at that big balloon or a poster!’). Carry a small toy, book, or fidget object to divert attention.
Offer simple choices: Giving a sense of control can de-escalate the situation. Choices should be limited to couple of options to avoid overwhelming them.
Use sensory and physical regulation techniques: If the child is overstimulated, take them to a quieter space. Offer a drink of water or encourage deep breathing together.
Set clear and consistent boundaries: ‘I won’t give you my phone, but I can tell you a story.’ Avoid giving in to tantrums, as this reinforces the idea that meltdowns lead to phone time.
Breaking The Habit Slowly And Steadily
If a child has already developed a dependency on smartphones to soothe meltdowns, breaking the habit requires a gradual and consistent approach:
Set a clear expectation for screen time
• Let the child know when they can use screens and when they cannot. For instance, ‘We watch cartoons at home, not at the restaurant.’
• Use visual schedules to indicate screen-free times.
Introduce alternative self-soothing techniques
• Teach them to express emotions through words or gestures.
• Encourage the use of comfort items like a stuffed toy or a fidget toy.
Create a ‘Meltdown Toolkit’
• Carry along a small bag with engaging items like colouring books, stickers, or a favourite toy for public outings.
• Use music, nursery rhymes, or storytelling instead of screen distractions.
Reduce screen time gradually
• Instead of snatching the phone abruptly, limit the time or replace passive screen use with interactive engagement. For instance, if the child is used to watching videos, transition to audio stories or music.
Reward positive behaviour
• Praise or reward children for managing their emotions without screens. For instance, ‘You stayed calm at the restaurant without the phone. That was great!’
Model healthy screen habits as a parent
• If children see parents constantly using their phones, they will mimic the behaviour.
• Establish tech-free family times, like meals without screens.
It is a tech-dependent world that we are living in, so distancing ourselves from gadgets becomes a task as adults. Ms Dordi advises that one can definitely delay smartphone exposure in kids, but it requires a conscious effort. The key is to introduce screens in a structured and age-appropriate way.
Follow screen-time guidelines: The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends no screen time before 18-24 months (except for video calls). For children aged 2-5 years, screen time should be limited to one hour of high-quality content per day.
Develop non-screen soothing mechanisms early: From infancy, use songs, physical touch, and storytelling instead of screens. Engage children in hands-on play to build independent problem-solving skills.
Set family tech rules: Have specific times when screens are allowed (eg educational content only after meals). Use parental controls and set digital-free zones, like bedrooms and dining areas.
Encourage social and outdoor play: Prioritise activities that involve physical movement, interaction, and creativity. Enroll children in activities like art, music, or sports instead of giving them a screen.
Additionally, Ms Dordi explains the psyche behind parents submitting to their child’s meltdowns by slipping a digital screen in their hands to console them in public.
Understanding why parents resort to phones: Many parents feel overwhelmed, embarrassed, or judged in public when their child has a meltdown. It’s crucial to remind yourself that tantrums are normal, and managing them without screens leads to better long-term emotional regulation.
Building emotional resilience in children: Teaching children to self-soothe without digital distractions prepares them for future challenges. Emotional intelligence, patience, and problem-solving develop when children learn to tolerate frustration without instant digital gratification.
Parental self-care matters: If parents are stressed, they may be more likely to use screens as an escape. Finding ways to manage your own stress (deep breathing, mindful breaks) will help model self-regulation for your child.
While handing over a smartphone during a tantrum may provide immediate relief, it often creates a long-term reliance on screens for emotional regulation. With patience, consistency, and alternative strategies, parents can break free from this habit and foster healthier emotional development in their children.