Last year, Disney made an animated short film called ‘Reflect’. It features ballet dancer Bianca – also touted as Disney’s first plus-size female protagonist – who feels happy and confident dancing on her own in a ballet studio with mirrors. While dancing in a class with others though, she suddenly realises that her body is different from that of the more slender girls, especially when her teacher rolls out instructions such as ‘tight tummy’. How she eventually conquers her self-doubt and becomes a confident dancer forms the main crux of the story. The message of the movie is extremely relevant now, more than ever – ‘Don’t let popular culture and your peers guide your body image, self-confidence and the pursuit of your dreams.’
All children face pressure, but in the case of girls, they have it so much tougher than boys. How often have we heard parents tell their daughters, “You can’t go to play cricket every day, you’ll tan” or “Don’t eat so much, you’re getting too fat.” There is no one height, weight, colour, shape, size or BMI that is ideal. But how do we let go of our stereotypical conditioning, and raise our girls in an environment that fosters body positivity?
Karishma Erraballi, a yoga parenting coach and founder of Soulkatha, believes in approaching body positivity from a place of ancient wisdom, offering practical, easy-to-implement tips from the ancient Yogic model of Pachamaya or five sheaths.
“With Annamaya, or Body, focus on praise. As a culture, we think that praising our children or telling them how beautiful they are will make them arrogant. If you want to make your child feel positive, say positive things to her. Simple! Praise her body, her curves, her smile, her hair, her hips, her style, her joie de vivre. If you only focus on what to fix, she’s just paying attention to the parts of her that fit the cover of a fashion magazine. What your child needs more than anything, to be on the cover of Vogue, Forbes, or Nature, is confidence. And that confidence will come from you giving her compliments about her body.”
Secondly, Pranamaya, or Breath Sheath, teaches you to take a breath before you criticise. “Pay attention to the way you talk about the shape of her nose or her skin colour, which has been passed on from generation to generation, without any consciousness. Please, please, take a breath before you offer any comments about anyone’s body - hair thickness, skin tone, arm fat, the way the suit fits, anything!”
“Manomaya, or Mind, is where it all begins. If your child believes she is beautiful and her physical beauty is a small part of her how beautiful she is, that’s a win. There must be a culture at home that encourages her mind, her sporty side, her dance moves, her bathroom singing voice, the painter in her, the reader, the scrap-book collector, the introvert, the extrovert, the eco-warrior, the outspoken, the quiet, the wise, the brilliant, the joyful -- ALL the parts of her. This will help your child, who may be body-centric, realise that there is much more to her, and much more to life than just the body.”
“Vignyanamaya, or Wisdom, is often overlooked. Children’s inner voices are most often the voices of their parents. When you look in the mirror while dressing up for a party and constantly criticise yourself or ask, “Do I look too fat?”, or comment on how this shirt is making you look too square, your kids are picking up exactly the same language… and more dangerously, exactly the same inner voice that is doused in criticism. Let the inner child in her have the voice of the deep wisdom that she is unconditionally loved, no matter how she looks.”
“Lastly, foster Anandamaya, or Joy. When your child feels, deep inside of herself, that her body is a vehicle to go forth in this universe, then she can conquer bliss. You can do that by being kind to your own body, and focusing on the positive aspects of the body of every human being you meet.”
In a survey conducted by the University of Michigan, 73 per cent of teen girls and 57 per cent of younger girls said they were unhappy or self-conscious about some aspect of their appearance, including issues like acne or hair. Unattainable standards, with influencers and celebrities promoting the highest standards of curated beauty, often lead impressionable young minds into believing that they’re ‘less than’ or ‘not good enough’. Added to this is the pressure from parents to shine – at academics, at extra-curriculars, and growing up to look a certain way.
“Body esteem is an integral part of self-esteem for children and teens,” says clinical psychologist Katie Mishra. “When you feel good about your body, since it is what you project to the world first, you also feel good about yourself. Often, body esteem is rooted in comparisons with societal norms as well as in those we meet and fraternise with. Young girls who look at others with the ‘right’ body type or skin colour, try to get there by pursuing harmful dieting behaviours, and many of them fall prey to eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia.
“Now, this isn’t to say that I’m advocating unhealthy bingeing and zero physical exercise – far from it. Rather, I advocate a culture of acceptance. Treat your body well and enjoy it, regardless of whether it fits in with the world’s idea of perfect. As parents, what you should do is lead by example. Accept and love yourself. Make sure the environment at home is one where no one feels discriminated against for their appearance.”
Lastly, it is important to start young and teach children to be grateful for the bodies that they have, which facilitate movement. “I am grateful for my legs that help me dance. I am grateful for my hands that help me draw. I am grateful for my eyes that help me see…” Statements like these put things in perspective and help them understand that the body is not just something to be seen – it is a wonderful entity that enables them to live life to the fullest.