The way children and adolescents perceive gender and sexuality has changed over time, from the basic binaries of male/female and gay/straight. It is natural as parents, then, if your child’s sexual orientation comes as a news to you and it is something to which you have to adapt. The whirlwind of emotions your mind goes through - confusion, chaos, self-blame – are all valid feelings. But it is also crucial to cope with them separately from your child, no matter how you feel about it at the moment. Being on the receiving end of such a revelation comes with an inexplicable emotional turbulence and presents you with challenging situations.
Clinical Psychologist, Mehezabin Dordi, recommends a few ways for parents to address the topic and respond to their child’s disclosure of their sexual orientation.
Take time to process: It’s natural for the news to catch you off guard. Take some time to process your feelings before responding. This will help you approach the situation with a calmer and more open mindset.
Focus on love and acceptance: Remember that your child is the same person they’ve always been, their sexual orientation doesn’t change who they are. Reaffirm your love and support for them, emphasising that your relationship remains unchanged.
Listen and validate: Validate your child’s emotions and hear them out without judgment.
Educate yourself: If you’re not familiar with the specific sexual orientation your child has disclosed, take the initiative to educate yourself. This will demonstrate your willingness to understand and support them better.
Avoid making assumptions: Don’t assume you know everything about their experiences based on stereotypes or assumptions. Ask open-ended questions, if they’re comfortable discussing their feelings and experiences.
Respect their privacy: Your child’s sexual orientation is their personal journey. Respect their privacy and don’t share this information with others without their consent. Allow them to set the pace for discussions about their sexual orientation and do not force them to disclose more than they are comfortable sharing.
Seek professional guidance: If you’re struggling with your own emotions or concerns, consider seeking guidance from a therapist or counsellor who specialises in LGBTQ+ identities. This can help you process your feelings and navigate this new chapter.
Use inclusive language: Use appropriate and inclusive language when talking about your child’s orientation. This shows that you’re being respectful and supportive.
Finding a balance between supporting your child and giving yourselves time as parents to process this news is crucial. Mehezabin advises on ways to comfort yourself while also supporting your child.
Honesty and transparency: Be honest with your child about your own emotions. Let them know that while you’re processing the news, you’re committed to understanding and supporting them.
Ask for time: Communicate to your child that you will need some time to process the news. This can help set their expectations and give you the space you need.
Educate yourself: While you’re taking time to come to terms with the news, take the initiative to educate yourself about LGBTQ+ identities, privately. This can help you gain a better understanding and be more supportive in the long run.
Focus on baby steps: Slowly and gradually, challenge any preconceived notions or misconceptions you may have. Taking these small steps can help in understanding the process and make it more manageable.
Celebrate progress: As you make progress in coming to terms with the news, celebrate your own growth and understanding. This will reinforce your commitment to being supportive.
As parents, while you’re struggling to come to terms with your child’s sexual orientation, seeking psychological support is important. Remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. A mental health professional, such as a psychologist or therapist, can provide a safe and non-judgmental space for the parents to express their feelings and concerns.
Today, there’s a dire need to create an environment that promotes inclusivity and diversity within a family. It requires consistent effort, open-mindedness, and a commitment to understanding and respecting one another. Mehezabin suggests a few strategies that families can adopt and implement.
Lead by example: Parents play a vital role in shaping their children’s attitude. Demonstrate inclusivity and respect for diversity in your own actions, language and interactions with others. Introduce your family to diverse cultures, traditions and perspectives through books, movies, art and discussions. Exposure to various cultures can foster curiosity and understanding.
Open communication: Encourage open conversations about differences, whether related to race, ethnicity, religion, gender or sexual orientation.
Celebrate differences: Emphasise the value of each family member’s unique traits and backgrounds. Celebrate holidays and traditions from various cultures to showcase the richness of diversity.
Use inclusive language: Pay attention to the language you use even while joking. Be mindful in avoiding stereotypes or derogatory terms in your conversations.
Discuss current events: Address current events that involve diversity and inclusivity. Encourage family members to share their opinions, and guide discussions towards understanding and empathy.
Set boundaries: Make it clear that discrimination, bullying or exclusionary behaviour will not be tolerated. Set clear boundaries and consequences to address any such behaviour within the family.
Highlight role models: Share stories or experience of individuals from diverse backgrounds who have made positive contributions to society. This can inspire family members to appreciate the potential in everyone.