Picture this. You’re at a restaurant, waiting for your food. Your child is restless and demands your smartphone or iPad to stay engaged. You say no, but he or she is determined to have their way and begins to throw a loud and very public tantrum. The alternative is to let them run amok, which you don’t want, so you give in to their demands.
Unfortunately, screen time has become a go-to solution in most homes and public places to keep children entertained and distracted. The perils of excessive screentime have been documented and discussed in detail – they can hinder communication skills, creativity, and emotional regulation. But how does one raise a well-behaved child without using a smartphone as a crutch? It isn’t that hard – all it takes is some commitment and consistency.
How Many Children Are Using Smartphones?
According to a survey conducted by Happinetz, a leading parental control filter box, ‘at least 42 per cent of children under the age of 12 spend an average of 2-4 hours every day on their smartphones or tablets, while those in the higher age bracket dedicate 47 per cent of their day to screens. With households having multiple devices, parents find themselves grappling with the challenge of managing their children's screen time and regulating their exposure to age-inappropriate content.’
The survey was conducted among 1,500 parents found that ‘a staggering 69 per cent of children aged 12 and above possess their own tablets or smartphones, giving them unrestricted access to the online realm. Seventy-four per cent of them turn to their screens to immerse themselves in the world of YouTube, while 61 per cent of those aged 12 and above gravitate towards gaming as their preferred digital pastime.’
What Are Some Behavioural Triggers?
It is easy to brand a child as badly-behaved, but vital to understand why they’re acting out. There could be a number of reasons – they’re overstimulated and need something to do constantly, they’re tired or hungry or frustrated, or they’re simply just seeking attention and trying to test boundaries. This is their way of communicating and expressing how they feel. As a parent, you need to gently teach them to adopt appropriate behaviour without giving into their demands. This is a long-term project that involves disengaging them from screens altogether.
How Do I Begin Controlling Screen Time?
Karishma Rao (Founder - www.soulkatha.com) focusses on conscious parenting and offers workshops to manage screentime for children. She has some pointers.
1. Fill in the screen time with another activity every day.
2. Understand that the first three weeks are the hardest, but it gets easier from then onwards.
3. Remain consistent in the face of resistance, no matter how many tantrums arise.
4. If you truly believe this is good for your child, they won’t be able to change your mind.
5. Set timers for 20, 10, 5 and 2 minutes before turning off screens, and set an alarm for yourself as well.
6. Create a no-TV culture at home for both adults and kids – except during the allotted times.
7. Lock away children’s personal screens unless they need them for school.
How Can I Get My Child To Behave Without Screentime?
1. Build a strong emotional connection with your child, which in turn fosters respect and understanding. You’ll find that your child is more cooperative. This can be achieved by active listening and giving their thoughts and feelings complete attention. Also, spend quality time every day, by reading, speaking, or playing outdoors. Don’t shy away from physical contact such as hugs and cuddles, which can reinforce a feeling of love and security.
2. Set boundaries in the beginning. There is absolutely no point in giving your child a screen for two years and expecting them to suddenly accept the fact that it won’t be there one fine day. Consistency is really key, since children thrive on structure and routine. You have to follow through and enforce consequences in a logical manner, instead of yelling arbitrarily, which makes children feel more accountable.
3. Understand that your children are still learning to identify and regulate their emotions. Help them through the process. Stay calm even if they feel overwhelmed, and create a safe emotional space for them to share outbursts. Getting angry only makes things worse.
4. Encourage creativity in other ways like arts and crafts, building toys, sports, outdoor activities, and pretend play.
5. You can’t be what you can’t see. If your child sees you on your screen all the time, it’s very likely they’re going to want the same thing. Also, if you’re angry or yelling unnecessarily, your child is going to assume that a tantrum is acceptable.