Beauty goes beyond the lightness of skin, the straightness of hair, and all the unrealistic perfections we set to attain for external validation. As adults, we find it difficult to steer clear of such pressures; imagine what it can do to a child if they have to deal with these bitter, harsh encounters right from childhood! It is important to reinforce a crystal-clear message about the concept of beauty to young children early on.
In a world that constantly bombards children with messages about external beauty, parents and caregivers can create a nurturing environment that fosters a deeper sense of self-worth. Clinical Psychologist, Mehezabin Dordi shares how parents and caregivers can explain the concept of beauty to their children and empower them to embrace themselves just as they are.
Focus on inner strengths: Instead of just complimenting how they look, focus on qualities like kindness, perseverance, or creativity. For instance, say, ‘I love how you always share with your friends’ or ‘You’re so thoughtful for helping your sibling.’ Over time, children will begin to value these traits in themselves.
Share personal stories: Talk to them about the times when inner beauty mattered more than appearances in your own life. For example, ‘I remember feeling nervous about how I looked for a big event, but what people remembered most was how kind and funny I was.’
Normalise imperfections: Let them know it’s okay not to look perfect all the time. Acknowledge your own imperfections and show them how you embrace them - ‘I’ve always had this scar on my hand, but it reminds me of how strong I am because of what I overcame.’
Create rituals beyond looks: Engage in activities that make them feel good on the inside, like journaling, volunteering, or celebrating achievements. These rituals help them see beauty as more than skin-deep.
Lead By Example
Children absorb lessons through observation, so your actions can be more powerful than your words.
Model self-love: Avoid criticising your own appearance in front of them. For example, instead of saying, ‘I look awful in this dress,’ try, ‘I feel uncomfortable in this dress.’ Children will learn to mirror this self-acceptance.
Handle compliments wisely: When someone praises your looks, acknowledge it with grace but shift the focus to something deeper. ‘Thank you for saying I look nice! I feel even better about how much I’ve grown as a person this year.’
Balance vulnerability and strength: It’s okay to admit to your child that external pressures exist. Say something like, ‘Sometimes I feel pressured to look a certain way, but I remind myself that who I’m on the inside is what matters most.’
Be mindful of language: Compliment others on traits beyond looks. For example, ‘Your teacher is so patient and thoughtful’ or ‘That athlete works so hard—it’s inspiring.’ This subtly reinforces what you value in others.
Social media has blurred the lines between reality and fantasy, making it essential to teach kids how to filter what they see.
Make media a shared activity: Watch shows or scroll through social media with them, pointing out moments where reality has been altered. For instance, ‘Do you see how perfect their skin looks? That’s probably edited. Real skin has pores just like ours.’
Highlight real-life role models: Introduce them to people who inspire you, whether it’s a family member who volunteers tirelessly or a community leader who stands up for others. These examples help them realise that beauty is about actions and values.
Encourage media detoxes: Create regular ‘tech-free’ times where the family can bond over activities like playing games, hiking, or cooking. This reduces reliance on external validation and fosters a more grounded sense of self.
Discuss the consequences of unrealistic standards: Share age-appropriate stories or examples of how chasing perfection can lead to stress or unhappiness. Frame the conversation around self-care and prioritising mental health.
Coping Mechanisms
Navigating hurtful comments can be a painful experience for children, but they can learn to respond in ways that protect their self-esteem.
Acknowledgement of feelings: If they share an upsetting incident, validate their emotions. ‘I’m sorry that happened to you. It’s okay to feel hurt—it’s not fair when people say unkind things.’
Teach to respond with dignity: Equip them with simple phrases to deflect teasing, like, ‘That’s just your opinion,’ or ‘I don’t think that’s true.’ This helps them feel more in control.
Focus on inner resilience: Use moments of hurt to talk about what makes them unique. ‘You know, that comment was unfair, but it doesn’t change how smart and kind you are. That’s what truly matters.’
Empower with perspective: Teach them that people often criticise others because they’re struggling with their own insecurities. ‘Sometimes people say mean things because they’re not feeling good about themselves. It’s not about you—it’s about them.’
Create a safe space: Encourage them to talk openly with you about their experiences without fear of judgement. Knowing they have unconditional support can soften the sting of criticism.
Practice visualisation techniques: Help them picture their ‘inner shield,’ an imaginary protective layer that deflects mean comments. Pair this with affirmations like, ‘I am strong, I am loved, I am enough.’
Seek professional support: If teasing leads to a persistent loss of confidence, therapy can offer a safe space to process feelings and develop stronger coping mechanisms.