Nirmala Patil, a mother, a stepmother and, above all, a selfless woman, shares her journey of motherhood that will leave you inspired.
Nirmala got married quite early, at the age of 17 or 18. The man she got married to turned out to be an addict and would physically abuse her. After consulting with her family, she decided to part ways with him.
“Around this time, my now-husband approached my parents and me for my hand in marriage. What I liked the most about him was that he was upfront about everything. He told us that his first wife had passed away due to a terminal disease and he had two young children. My parents and I took it as a blessing and accepted the proposal, as life in a village as a divorced woman gets extremely difficult.”
“I got married to my now-husband and moved to Mumbai with the kids. Along with the kids, their uncle and grandparents also came to live with us, mostly to observe me and judge my capabilities to raise the ‘stepchildren.’ The kids were quite young at the time and were repeatedly made aware that I was their ’stepmother’. Unsurprisingly, the kids took a long time to accept me as their mother.”
“Soon I had two children of my own. If I had to be honest with myself, I don’t think my kids got the love and care they deserved from me. I was trying to overcompensate with the older kids and, in the process, doing the bare minimum for the younger ones. Instead of focusing on parenting, I was more concerned of what society would think of me if I favoured my own children. If I paid attention to my older children, people would say, ”She is not even caring for her own children, how can she care for her stepchildren?” And if I paid attention to my biological children, I’d still be judged. No matter what I did, I was constantly being judged.”
“As the years passed by, my love and care for the children earned not only trust within the family, but also the belief that the children were in good hands. Through it all, my husband stood by me like a rock. His unwavering support gave me the strength to face any challenge. The older kids too soon came to accept me as their mother. This joy surpassed all the sacrifices and struggles.”
“All I would like to say is that even a stepmother is a mother. As a woman and a mother, I’ve tried to do my best for all my children. I appeal to society to not villainise a woman just because she is a stepmother. Given a chance, any woman would do their best for the children.”
“When a woman can take care of another woman’s children as her own, she can handle anything.”