When it comes to 90s kids, it’s safe to say that most of us didn’t have parents who understood the psychology of a child. Of course, our parents love us and their intention remains pure. But as adults in the 90s, when mental health wasn’t a topic of discussion, most parents weren’t equipped with enough knowledge about issues pertaining to the same. A child who would procrastinate would be seen as lazy, but it could be that they are suffering from internalised resistance. A child scoring exceptionally low marks in school could be having a learning disorder. Today, we know better, and we know little things can impact a child’s mind. Having said that, self-confidence is the most organic or easy to achieve when you start building it in your child early on.
Have you noticed that kids who participated in extra-curricular activities, had no trouble socialising, and were encouraged to grow up to become go-getters in adult life, actually did? This is why, it’s important to boost our kids’ self-confidence so when they grow up, the lack of it shouldn’t become an obstacle between them and their goals.
Here are a few things you must keep in mind to instil self-confidence in your child as they grow up.
Don’t label them with negative attributes
Have you ever yelled at your child, ‘You’re lazy!’, or told them they are stubborn? Experts believe the usage of such vocabulary and attributing negative traits to your child is not quite healthy for their self-confidence. Instead, you can say, ‘you are being lazy’ with the emphasis on ‘being’. It tells them that they are bright and resourceful, but they are letting a negative trait take over. This will motivate your child to improve without feeling negatively labelled.
Focus on solution-based criticism
If you’ve ever felt embarrassed for making a mistake as a child, you’ll know how that impacts your self-confidence negatively. Often, parents and teachers believe it’s okay to ridicule a child for a silly mistake or pull them down with harsh criticism. They think it will deter them from making the same mistake again. Maybe it will. But that will also destroy the self-confidence they need to try again. It’s okay to criticise, but do so politely and offer possible solutions. If your child is bad at reciting poems, help them with it without making them feel stupid.
Give them an ‘A for effort’
You should, as a matter of fact, appreciate your child when they achieve something, be it big or small. However, it shouldn’t be just result-oriented. Let them know that you are proud of them, irrespective of whether they were successful or unsuccessful in achieving their goal. Fear of failure can shatter a child’s self-confidence, restricting their scope of endeavours.
Let them find their own strengths
Parents always have certain aspirations for their children, and sometimes, they tend to value some strengths over others. Your child may be weak in math but they may be doing exceptionally well in English. Or, they may have a hard time with basketball but they may be really good at swimming. Even as adults, we have our own set of flaws, and we just find a way to either fix them or work around them. Encourage your child to find their strengths and let them take it on from there. Focussing on the weaknesses will only make them lose their self-confidence.
Do not over-praise your child
Yes, you want to be supportive, but you don’t want your child to grow up being delusional or not being able to tolerate failure. Let’s face it, as they grow up in life, not everyone will praise them the way you do. And when they witness criticism and failure in real life, their self-confidence will shatter within a second. Plus, they will not actually improve unless they know their weaknesses and errors. So, support them, praise them for effort, but keep them grounded in reality.
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