Read any newspaper or website, and you’ll find news about the plight of Afghanistan, particularly that of their women and girls. Even closer home, most of us women living in cosmopolitan cities may not realise that the freedom and independence we enjoy if very different from that of the women living in Tier II and Tier III cities, and rural India.
The concept of having the ability to make their own choices—when it comes to whom to marry, when to marry, if they should study, pursue a career and expand their horizons—isn’t as freely afforded to women living in smaller towns and villages. Often, women in big cities find it difficult to say no, set boundaries, and speak their minds. We reached out to women from different cities, backgrounds, and upbringings to understand what freedom, particularly in their relationships, means to them. Here’s what they had to say:
Shreya Gossain, 34, married for five years, no kids – Pune, Maharashtra
The very basis of the freedom both my partner and I enjoy is communication. We have always been very clear about what we want in life, and what we expect from each other, in public and in private. Respect for personal space is key. We have common interests, like food and movies, so we take time out to indulge in both, together, regularly. But, at the same time, we make sure each of us has the space and freedom to enjoy our individual interests too. For example, I love science and fantasy fiction, and he does not (because he thinks they can be silly and unrealistic). So, whenever a new movie, TV series or book in the genres are released, I have the peace and solitude to enjoy them at my leisure, and he doesn’t bug me at all when I do. I show him the same respect when he watches critically-acclaimed movies that I find too dull or pretentious. Basically, we’re straightforward with each other about our opinions; we are loving, but not so dependent that we can’t pursue our own interests.
Tamira Patel, 32, married for 5 years, two kids – Ahmedabad, Gujurat
Freedom is what you make of it. If you're talking about freedom with regards to time then it's when the kids are sleeping, or watching their cartoons on television. But freedom also is going out for a long drive, going to the beach or doing any kind of fun activities. Freedom with the kids is watching them play together (without fighting) and spending Sundays cooking and eating together. Freedom is also having a night to myself where I can open a packet of chips and eat it by myself without little voices asking me, ‘Mama what is that?’
Tejas Nanu, 34, divorced and engaged to be married for a second time – Mumbai, Maharashtra
For me, freedom in a relationship means being able to sit for hours at a stretch in comfortable silence, without feeling the need to fill it. It’s about being content to do your own thing and not having to feel like you need to be “on” all the time. It also means being able to speak freely and unfiltered with your partner—there is no fear of being judged or worrying about it ever leading to another fight.
Sharmila Choudhary, 36, engaged for four years – Panaji, Goa
Having the choice to make my own decisions, not succumbing to societal norms or the dreaded parental guilt of ‘log kya kahenge?’ has been the most freeing and rewarding aspect of my live-in relationship with my fiancé. In fact, had it been left to just us, we’d probably have skipped getting engaged and would have moved away instead. The only thing keeping us here is our parents; both of us don’t have siblings. If I’m being honest, I feel like marriage will ruin our bond. It isn’t the be-all of existence, is it? Besides, who decides what’s right and wrong for our lives? Society doesn’t have to live with the decisions it forces us to make, does it? We like to be honest about what works for us and what doesn’t. We don’t get bogged down by opinions that are not our own.