The world of celluloid has made us believe that a brazen guy who is often rude to other women, can charm a woman by exclusively being nice to her. You know, a tough guy falling for a soft-spoken girl and treating her with respect while being mean to everyone else? Such a typical plot, isn’t it?
But in reality, men who treat other women badly will treat you badly too—sooner or later. Such men never make good partners and women often end up regretting their naivety in falling for someone like that.
Hiral, a young, vibrant woman who works in the corporate sector and is also a dance trainer, was married to a man who was abusive and unfaithful. It was a love marriage and he treated her like a queen, but he was equally mean to his mother. When they got married and started living together, over a period, she witnessed him verbally abuse his mother. It disturbed her and she wondered what kind of a man would do that. One day, he hit his mom, and that’s when she lost all respect for him. Top it with the emotional and mental abuse he inflicted on her, she left him finally.
The red flags were always there. A man who is abusing other women and being nice to you is not good. Watch how he treats other women in his life to know how he truly is, as a person.
Does he behave superior to the women in his life?
A man who likes to be ‘the man of the house’ and ‘the one who wears the pants in the house’ clearly thinks having an extra chromosome makes him superior. Many men grow up to believe they are smarter, better and more capable than women and even though they love the women in their lives, it shows in their behaviour. Prohibiting their younger sister to do something, respecting their fathers more than their mothers, and feeling entitled—it says a lot about how high a man’s ego is.
In fact, sexism can also be benevolent, and often shows up when he treats women like they are delicate creatures who are incapable of doing anything apart from dolling up and cooking. These men will pay for dinners, make decisions for you, and mansplain you.
But if a guy treats the women in his life as his equal, believes in their potential, capabilities and intelligence, it is likely that he will treat his partner with the same respect.
Is he indifferent towards them?
Many men grow up in this emotional straitjacket that inhibits their range of expressions. Men are often told that display of hurt, vulnerability and all that is not masculine. A friend of mine was engaged to a guy who showed absolutely no response when his mother was affectionate to him. He would be completely blank. Eventually, she realised that he was exactly the same with her. When women in his life showed him affection, he considered it too ‘not masculine’ to respond with an equal amount of love. Of course, with counselling, things may change, but a person should be willing. So know exactly what you are getting into.
Does he understand the women in his life?
Is he one of those men who ask women, ‘Are you one of those feminist types?’ Does he think gender inequality is women’s problem and he wants nothing to do with it? Does he get awkward when someone mentions ‘period’ or act grossed out while looking at a woman’s body hair? It’s important to note these things.
Women have ambitions, interests and desires that go beyond the stereotypical gender roles our society upholds. If he is supportive and understanding of what other women in his life experience and desire, it says he doesn’t see women through the lens of patriarchy.
Also Read: Why Saying ‘I’m Not Like Other Girls’ Is Wrong