“I met him on a popular dating app,” says 24-year-old Mumbai-based social media manager, Shailee Patel*. “The conversations was great, he seemed like an interesting guy, and when he finally asked me out on a date, I couldn’t wait to meet him in person. When we met, I don’t know what happened to me but I just didn’t feel that spark—at least not the way I did when we were flirting over texts. Perhaps it was that loss of mystery, but the chemistry just wasn’t right. I could see he was definitely into me, but I didn’t want to lead him on,” she says.
Patel doesn’t believe in ghosting a person, so she did what she thought was right. “I decided to take some time to think about our conversations and the date, and decided that being honest was the best way forward. I didn’t want him to keep his hopes up, and decided to tell him the truth—in person. I just wasn’t as into him because the vibe wasn’t right. He was understandably upset, but appreciated my honesty,” reveals Patel.
Naturally, the two don’t talk anymore, but Patel doesn’t regret her decision. “He was a great guy; he just wasn’t for me.” Like Patel, there are countless people dating casually in the hopes that they find the one. Along the way, there are bound to be a few disappointments.
So what do you do when you can’t find the right words to let someone down easy? We have some tried and tested ways to go about it:
Honesty is the way to go: Following in Patel’s footsteps, your best bet is to be honest with the person, without exaggerating your feelings. The truth is undoubtedly hurtful, but the person crushing on your will appreciate the honesty in the long run. Just remember, the words you use can also make a difference, so be kind, and speak your truth.
Keep your distance: Sometimes, a person might just not get the message. In this case, you need to remain cordial and not overtly friendly. Being friendly might cause them to read a little too much into the situation, and negate what you’re trying to do.
Avoid consoling them: If you’ve decided to let your crush down, you might want to steer clear of showing any concern or emotion, even if they’re your friend. Allow them the chance to heal. Give them space and time to deal with their feelings the way they need to.
Don’t prolong the inevitable: If you know that you don’t feel the same way, it’s best to let the person know immediately. Dragging things out runs the risk of them developing deeper feelings for you, making the hurt that much worse.
Be respectful: Whether you’ve just met them or have been friends for a while, letting them down means being respectful and doing it in person. It’s cowardice to break their hearts over text or a phone call. Besides, they’ll know you mean business, and might take it seriously, if they have a chance to gauge your expressions and reactions.
*Names have been changed to protect individual privacy