"We should meet often," "let’s catch up soon," "it’s been ages," how often do we send these text messages to that one friend with whom we just had to share every tiny detail of our lives or that friend group with whom we partied every weekend?
Social media romanticises the ideal definition of female friendships: sipping cocktails by the beach, taking fancy vacations, brunching every weekend, dancing to trends, and shopping together. But how many of us actually live this life, or rather, how many of us question our friendships? As life becomes more complex with careers, relationships, and kids, friendships don’t always move forward and meet us on the same path we’re headed as individuals. The bond between women can be the most enduring relationship over the long haul, but female friendships in adulthood are complicated.
A sisterhood formed out of a friendship is a unique relationship because, unlike familial relationships, we choose to enter into it. And unlike other voluntary bonds cue romantic partners, they hold no formal recognition.
As you grow older, you tend to take friendships for granted, slowly fading them out. If you ask most millennials or baby boomers, they will tell you how they struggle with friendships and often end up questioning their own likeability in society.
Her Circle spoke to a few women about what friendship means to them, how it has evolved as they have grown older, and what they expect from it.
"I used to look at other women through the lens of social media and always come across these perfect friendships—birthday reposts, friendship dedications, trending dance reels with besties. I was embarrassed that there were no mentions of me on my birthday; was I not worthy of a dedicated picture on a friend's feed? I began blaming myself and questioning every aspect. But when I lost a parent during the pandemic and Rucha stayed with me all week, I realised that we have a bond that no social media post can replace. She is my person, and I am hers; we don’t need to paint a perfect picture for the world."
- Trisha Mahto, 27
"When I was 16, I had three friend groups: one I partied with, one I played basketball with, and one I shared all my secrets with. Today I am 35, and I have only two friends who are my soul sisters and were not part of my friend circle. I met one when I was seven, reconnected with her when I was 15, and met the other when I was 23. I realized that I didn't need to maintain a large social circle if it didn't bring me joy. I need my girls during the highs and lows, and especially during the twists and turns. The three of us have created a safe space for each other, void of judgments or any rules and regulations; we may not speak every day, but we are there for each other always."
- Angela D’mello, 35
"Normally, you wouldn’t go months without speaking with or seeing your partner or family, but you might go that long without talking to a friend, of course, barring the occasional meme you share on social media. It is because you take that relationship and that bond for granted. You tend to think that your friend will understand. You want them to understand. The question here is: would you understand? Every relationship needs a little TLC, and sometimes all it needs is a message that reads, "Hi!"
- Vasundhara Parekh, 47
"Whether you have just one good friend or a hundred, what matters is whether they are all positive relationships. At 52, I don’t need any negativity or drama around me. You need that one reality check against emotional upheaval and compromised well-being. Surprisingly enough, that bond and trust came from my sister-in-law. 20 years, and I always joke with my husband that she is the best part of being married to him."
- Rashmi Sen, 52
"After you’ve lived as long as I have, just knowing that you are a part of a social support network enhances your self-esteem. As the loss of loved ones becomes a frequent occurrence, a sense of belonging is key to feeling that you matter and that your life has value. I found friendships during my morning walks at the beach; I found a fellow movie buff who shares the same taste in cinema as me in my house help; and I found my best friend in my 13-year-old grandson."
- Kranti Shah, 67