At work or home, as a parent or an educator, single or married, no matter which stage of life you are in - guilt is your constant companion. This is something so many women relate to—feeling guilty for not ‘being enough’ or ‘doing enough,’ no matter how much they give. Whether or not they are accused by others, the internal guilt precedes it all! Even while juggling responsibilities at work or taking care of family, guilt is an invisible weight that women carry daily.
Here is what women from different stages of life have to say about what sets them guilt-tripping:
‘As an over-thinker, I often feel guilty putting my parents through enormous pain when they have to keep listening to the societal advice about getting me married, especially when none of these people add any value to our personal lives. Even when neither of us are at fault, me nor my parents, I feel the constant need to justify myself which is totally unfair.
Most the weekends when I’m out with my friends, my mind wanders back home. I keep feeling guilty thinking that I should be home spending time with my parents as they are growing old and I must cherish this time with them.’
-Shambhavi Mishra
‘Being married away from my hometown, I sometimes feel pangs of guilt about not being around to care for my parents as much as my siblings do. They’re there to look after day-to-day needs, while I’m here in a different city. Even though it’s not a constant worry, there are definitely moments when it really hits me - there’s this guilt of somehow letting them down by being away.’
-Nazma Mondal
‘As a married woman, guilt sometimes feels like a constant undercurrent in my life. Despite having a supportive husband and family, I find myself constantly questioning if I’m doing 'enough.' My husband makes more than I do, and while I understand that our contributions are different, I often feel I have to 'make up' for the difference in income by handling more of the household responsibilities. This isn’t a standard anyone else sets for me; it’s my own inner critic. No one pressures me to take on extra chores or make those sacrifices. And yet, I take them on, almost as if I need to prove to myself that I’m pulling my weight.'
For years, I’ve carried these unspoken standards around, fueled by a cultural and generational legacy of what being a 'good' wife or woman means. It’s challenging to recognise that I’ve built this internal prison over the years, shaped by experiences and societal expectations I’ve absorbed along the way.
One of the hardest things is feeling guilty even about things I know, logically, aren’t necessary—like overcompensating for the income difference by tackling housework as if it’s an exchange. It’s like I’m both the judge and the accused, in a trial that never really ends.
The way forward, for me has been to try and separate the actual expectations others have of me from the ones I’m creating. I have to remind myself that my value as a partner isn’t determined by the paycheck I bring in, nor by my checklist of household tasks. Working with this guilt means questioning where these feelings come from, and asking myself if this pressure is truly mine or a borrowed weight from societal norms. Slowly, I’m learning that it’s okay to let go, to be a work-in-progress—and to value myself, not for perfection, but for simply showing up as I am.’
-Mukta Joshi
‘As a single parent, I had to fill the shoes of both mother and father, ensuring that I’m financially and emotionally available to look after my children. I did it in the beginning, but somewhere down the line, I felt I couldn’t live up to my own expectations. My kids had to take up a lot more responsibility in terms of finance. I felt guilty that I wasn’t able to do enough for them and that they had to take up huge financial responsibilities at such a young age.
I’m going to be a grandmother again. As much as I’m happy about it, I feel guilty that this time around I’m not with my daughter during her pregnancy. She’s doing everything by herself and I will be able to be with her only during her delivery.’
-Chandra Vishwanathan
Clinical Psychologist, Mehezabin Dordi shares some of reasons for this guilt and where it potentially comes from:
Cultural Pressures: Society has long placed expectations on women to be selfless, nurturing, and always be present for others. Over time, these expectations seep into how women see themselves, leading them to feel responsible for everyone around them, even at the expense of their own needs.
Self-Inflicted Standards: Beyond what society expects, many women set incredibly high standards for themselves. They want to be the perfect partner, mother, friend, or co-worker, and when they inevitably fall short (because we all do!), guilt sets in. Sometimes, it’s like they’re judging themselves before anyone else can.
Common Guilt Traps
Work Vs Home: So many women feel caught between work demands and family needs, feeling like they’re failing in one when they’re focusing on the other.
Parenting Pressure: There’s an almost endless list of things mothers are ‘supposed’ to do, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy when real life doesn’t look like the picture-perfect standard.
Guilt Over Self-Care: Taking time to rest, pursue interests, or just do nothing can come with their own share of guilt because it feels like those moments are ‘stolen’ from others who need them.
Coping Mechanisms
Self-Compassion: Women need to be kind to themselves and remember they don’t have to be perfect. Being human means sometimes things won’t go as planned, and that’s okay.
Clear Boundaries: It’s powerful to know when to say ‘No’ and recognise that it doesn’t make them less caring or capable. Setting boundaries is an act of respect for themselves and can help keep guilt in check.
Re-evaluate Core Beliefs: Often, beliefs about being ‘good enough’ or ‘selfish’ are rooted in old, outdated ideas. Questioning these beliefs can help ease guilt and open up space for new, more self-accepting perspectives.
Reach Out for Support: Talking with a therapist or someone supportive can help explore these feelings and offer practical ways to move past them. Sometimes, just hearing an outside perspective can be a reminder that these feelings don’t have to define them.
Ultimately, letting go of guilt takes time, but each small step towards self-acceptance makes a difference. By understanding where this guilt comes from and allowing themselves a bit of grace, women can start to find relief, making more room for self-compassion and joy.