In 2008, wholesome chef Martha Stewart ended up forging an unlikely friendship with another celebrity who came on her show – rapper Snoop Dogg! They’ve made mashed potatoes and brownies together on television, and Snoop later joked about their friendship saying, ‘I don’t even understand it. I just have fun.’ Since then, he’s launched a candle line dedicated to her, while Martha has written the foreword for his cookbook (yes, he's apparently written one!), and the two have even co-hosted the Puppy Bowl together.
Martha and Snoop have what we would call an inclusive friendship. Although their interests and lives are like chalk and cheese, they’ve found common ground and learned to work together too, celebrating their differences!
‘Forming an inclusive environment is beneficial to everyone,’ says psychologist Manjula MK. ‘Inclusion means that you’re able to create an environment where everyone is accepted and treated alike, where everyone feels valued regardless of gender, age, sexual orientation, race or ethnicity.’
She adds, ‘Creating inclusive friendships simultaneously fosters safe spaces for people to be authentic versions of themselves. This can only happen if all parties involved show empathy, putting themselves in each other’s shoes, finding common ground, and creating meaningful connections.’
It is a well-established fact that people tend to get into friendships with other people like themselves. Even at work, we gravitate towards people with our shared experiences. This may not be a conscious choice; rather it is organic, simply because it feels more comfortable. Those who do not fit the characteristics of our own mainstream reality are often sidelined. However, friendships today should also reflect the changing world. When you’re with someone who is different from you socially, culturally, and ethnically, it gives you a fresh perspective on life. You see things from a broader and more diverse perspective.
‘Put yourself in places where you can meet others,’ says Manjula. ‘Be open to forging friendships and networking with those who have a different outlook and upbringing than you. Diversity of thought is so underrated but so significant. You'll have an understanding of new ideas, and there is a cross-pollination of skills as well. If you’re looking to make friends, join a book club, or take a salsa class. You’ll be surprised at the diverse set of people who share your common interests. If you want to network, join a professional association, or attend events. If you’re hosting an event of your own – either personally or professionally – it is important to choose inclusive spaces based on your guests’ needs and preferences. Check for ramps and wheelchair access. Consider enough food options to factor in religious restrictions, allergies, or personal choices. Make sure the activities are also inclusive, and no one feels left out.’
As per Manjula, here's how you can work towards creating an inclusive relationship with a friend or co-worker:
1. Keep things genuine through the process and don’t fake it. Being superficial just to appear inclusive, or to check a box off your list, or simply out of compulsion, will eventually take its toll. You will not be able to build truly meaningful and long-term relationships.
2. It is important to be genuinely curious and interested in an exchange of ideas, without being judgemental. Keep an open mind, and don’t judge by appearances or even first impressions.
3. Be aware of your biases and inhibitions, and work towards overcoming them. Don’t stereotype or label people based on generic assumptions about their gender, orientation, or race.
4. Communicate and collaborate. This is a two-way street, so keep communication open and easy. Listen actively, demonstrate an interest in their life, and validate their ideas and experiences. Remember though, respect works both ways and is to be given and taken.
5. If you’re in a managerial position at work, lead by example. Prevent discrimination and implement anti-harassment policies. Discourage the idea of gangs or cliques who want to keep out certain co-workers simply on the basis of racial or gender profiling. Provide training to your team as well.
6. Advocacy and activism, even in a small way, can help foster ideas of inclusivity in your immediate community. Raise awareness and challenge the status quo. This improves access to resources and opportunities for all of us.
Creating inclusive relationships isn’t a one-time affair. It’s a trait that one must develop for life, and this requires cultivating your Emotional and Cultural Quotients. Maintaining existing friendships, while forging new ones is a continuous work in progress, but it can also be an enjoyable and fulfilling experience.