I’ve always grown up in an environment surrounded by people. Be it at home with siblings, at school and college with friends, and work place with work besties, I’ve always had company. In the process, I’ve been avoiding my own company for the longest time. Being in my 30s is just a numerical representation of my presence on earth. But with age, you also go through life-changing realisations and experiences! You may plan for life, and then life just gets in the way.
I suddenly transitioned from a home full of people to a nuclear household post marriage. By sheer coincidence, a lot of time was spent alone at home and simultaneously at work as well - such is the incredible synchronisation of life. And for the first time, I was finally forced to confront the elephant in the room -myself.
The experience unintentionally helped me view myself from a completely new perspective. There were initial struggles where I was trying to fill the void, when I felt uncomfortable with myself, handled the burden of my own judgements and felt like I was invisible to others. Slowly, I learnt to keep my mind occupied by reading three books in a day (one while commuting, one during lunch, and one before going to bed) as opposed to barely reading. I revived old and forgotten hobbies like sketching and writing.
I personally used to dislike dining on my own. In fact, I would starve myself rather than eat solo, although today that isn’t the case. Eventually, I learnt to enjoy my own company!
In this journey of unravelling self-companionship, I also realised that I was not alone in my feelings. Here are some coming-of-age experiences, shared by women who have slowly learnt to enjoy time spent with themselves.
‘Growing up with two doctor parents teaches you a lot about being by yourself. Since I was a child, I have found joy and peace in my own company. However, when I reached my rebellious teenage years, things changed. The company around me didn’t understand why I wanted to go to the mall or the movies by myself, and somewhere in between their questions and judgement, I stopped. It was only in my early 20s, when I was living away from home and feeling lost, that I rediscovered solo dates.
My therapist helped me remember how much I enjoyed being by myself as a kid and how much comfort it brought me. And that’s when a new chapter of my life began. I explored Bombay by myself, I started going to theatres and art galleries, enjoyed walks on the beach and sunsets at Marine Drive, and found myself again.
Now, I intentionally plan dates for myself, especially when I’m feeling overwhelmed or lost. Picnics, movies, dinners, some of my best times have been with the best company I could find - myself. I have also managed to surround myself with some great people who encourage me to take breaks and go on solo dates.
Spending time by yourself doesn’t just mean doing things alone. It can also mean putting yourself in settings where the only person you know is yourself. Last winter, I joined an all-women travel group to Himachal. While I met some incredible people, I found moments where I sat by myself, enjoyed a snack alone, and also indulged myself with a cute photoshoot. It’s all about finding those pockets of time in our busy schedule. Be it breaks between work, a walk in the evening, or just a quick meditation in the morning, I’ve found it a meaningful tool to connect with myself. While I love spending time alone, I still feel a bit anxious before the process. Once I’m there though, in the moment, in my element, the anxiety fades, and I feel like myself again.
So, here’s a suggestion - don’t shy away from solo dates. Start small, with a coffee date, a quiet walk, or an afternoon at a museum. It might feel awkward at first, but it’s a beautiful practice of self-love. In those quiet moments, you might just find the company you’ve been seeking all along: your own.’
- Prachi
‘Earlier, I always felt that I wouldn’t enjoy any activity unless I had company. I kept seeking happiness from others and from the outside world. I was so clueless, that I believed I could never keep myself company. I didn’t realise until a decade ago that in order to be loved by others, you ought to love yourself first. With each failed relationship I have had this deep realisation that self-love has big role to play. I started encouraging myself to travel solo or spend time doing things that made me happy. I must say that I’m simply loving this phase and I won’t ever retreat from practicing self-love and relishing my own company.’
- Shambhavi
Image source: Cleveland Clinic, Medium, Talktoangel