In 1981, social worker Dorothy Miller introduced a new term, the ‘sandwich generation’. This middle-aged segment is often trapped between multiple commitments, juggling the needs of growing kids and older family members. This generation puts aspects of their lives on the backburner, but rarely receives any reciprocal support. The sandwich generation finds themselves literally ‘sandwiched’, and is sometimes called ‘the middle generation’ as a result.
It is also interesting to note that the sandwich generation mainly comprises women. When it comes to multi-generational caregivers, women are at the forefront more than men, providing the necessary assistance to their family members – ageing parents, and dependent children. Therefore, this generation is also referred to by researchers as ‘women in the middle’.
Family Ties In Asia
According to the research by the Economist Intelligence Unit sponsored by Fidelity International, ‘one in five working-age Asians is now a member of this cohort. These people are typically aged 30 to 45, married, and supporting one or two children and two parents or parents-in-law… As life expectancy has increased and women have entered the labour market and delayed having children, families are simultaneously caring for young children and ageing parents more than in the past, and doing so while both spouses work. But although the challenges of providing for parents and children may have increased, in Asia the Sandwich Generation's sense of filial obligation remains strong, with 78 per cent agreeing that it is their responsibility to help their ageing parents.’
In addition to providing physical and emotional support, the sandwich generation across Asia also considers it their financial duty to provide medical aid and security for their parents, as well as invest in education and extracurriculars for their children. This means they’re working harder, and spending lesser on themselves to meet their obligations.
How To Cope With The Demands
Although you can’t change your circumstances, you can change how you approach them. Psychologist Dr Sulakshana Girish has some pointers to help out with the process:
Prioritise Self-Care
The easiest thing to set aside when you’re swamped with a host of other commitments is yourself. When was the last time you took time out for yourself, to invest in your own wellbeing and joy? If you can’t remember, it’s time to start. Be kind to yourself, and invest in your fitness and health before you focus on others. Set aside mind space, time and money for relaxation, rejuvenation and healthcare. Even if you feel you’re being judged for it, do not let anyone guilt-trip you. It is important that you manage stress, otherwise you’re sure to burn out and that would be counter-productive to you and everyone else. Learn to set boundaries, don’t stretch yourself, and say no if you cannot or do not want to do something.
Ask For Help
As women, we’re expected to constantly multi-task and do it well. As a result, we’re so busy trying to live up to everyone else’s expectation of us. It’s impossible to have everything, and do everything; the sooner we realise that, the better it is for us. For those of you who have the option to share parental responsibilities with siblings, ask for help. It could be something as simple as driving them to the doctor, shopping for any specific needs, or simply just watching a movie with them. Consider carpooling, or taking turns with other parents to drive kids around. If your finances allow it and you have the option of hiring a caregiver, consider it seriously. The extra help around the house will relieve your physical and mental burden.
Create A Schedule
There is no room for being spontaneous when you’re multi-tasking and juggling several roles. Always plan your day, factoring in everything you need to do. This helps you to stay on top of things and prevents you from feeling overwhelmed. It is important to stick to your schedule, but also provide room for plans to change. Prioritise things, so that you know which tasks are essential and which can be shifted or juggled around if required.
Budget Your Finances
The sandwich generation has plenty of financial commitments, so it’s understandable if you’re stretched. However, it’s important not to neglect savings for your retirement and a nest egg for any emergencies. Factor in the needs and non-negotiables of everyone at home, but also speak to them about your financial constraints and be frank about what extras are possible. Invest in insurance policies covering any damages or illnesses. Health insurance is important for everyone at home especially senior citizens, since hospital bills can suck away a huge chunk of your income. Maximise workplace benefits as much as possible, such as a house rent allowance, or Mediclaim.