Coming out of the closet that too to your parents (who think they know their child best) is a BIG step in an individual’s life, no matter what the age. Revealing one's sexual orientation to their parents can be so daunting and overwhelming that it is natural to get cold feet, feel restless and have thoughts of backing out from this task altogether.
The need to come out to parents about one’s sexual orientation is often driven by the desire for authenticity, emotional closeness, and a sense of acceptance for the child regardless of their age. For many individuals, their parents are an important part of their lives, and revealing their sexual orientation can lead to a deeper connection and understanding between the child and parents. Coming out can also relieve the burden of hiding an essential part of oneself, leading to a more honest and fulfilling relationship with family members. Additionally, parental acceptance and support can be crucial for the child’s emotional well-being and mental health, providing a foundation for greater self-esteem and resilience.
Often there is a question hanging in the air that when is it the right time to come out to one’s parents? Clinical Pyschologist, Mehezabin Dordi says, “From a psychological perspective, it is essential for individuals to come out to their parents when they feel emotionally ready and believe it is the right time for them. This decision should be guided by factors such as the individual’s own level of comfort with their sexual orientation, the level of trust in their relationship with their parents, and the parents’ capacity for empathy and understanding.”
“It’s crucial to consider whether the parents have shown signs of being accepting and open-minded in the past regarding LGBTQ+ individuals. If there have been indications of positive attitudes toward the LGBTQ+ community, it may suggest a more supportive environment for the child to come out. However, if the parents have exhibited negative or prejudiced attitudes, the child may need to carefully evaluate the potential risks and benefits of coming out at that particular time.”
When approaching parents about their sexual orientation, MS. Dordi recommends that one should keep the following factors in mind and be prepared for potential outcomes.
Emotional readiness: Ensure that you are emotionally prepared for the conversation and have a support system in place, such as friends or LGBTQ+ support groups.
Moment of truth: Pick a suitable moment when there are minimal distractions and enough time for a meaningful conversation. Avoid approaching them during situations where the parents may be stressed or preoccupied with other responsibilities.
Be informed and provide resources: Be prepared to answer questions about your sexual orientation. Understand that some parents may lack knowledge about LGBTQ+ identities and may ask questions out of curiosity or concern. Offer resources, books, articles, or websites about LGBTQ+ topics to help educate them and dispel any misconceptions they may have.
Possible reactions: Understand the fact that your parents’ reactions can vary widely. They may be supportive, surprised, confused, or even initially negative. Be prepared for a range of emotions and responses.
Give time and space: Parents may need time to process the information and come to terms with it. Allow them the space to react and adjust to the news.
Seek external support: If you anticipate a negative reaction or fear potential harm, it’s essential to have a support network in place, such as friends, family members/relatives, or mental health professionals.
If the parents aren’t receptive to the child coming out, it can be a challenging and emotionally distressing situation. Here are a few suggestions to handle it.
Remain calm and patient: It’s natural for parents to need time to process the information. Remain calm and patient, allowing them space to come to terms with the news.
Set boundaries: If the parents’ initial reaction is negative or harmful, it’s essential to set boundaries to protect one’s emotional well-being. This may involve limiting contact for a while or seeking temporary living arrangements elsewhere if it’s safe and feasible.
Regardless of the consequences, moving forward after coming out can be a process of self-discovery and growth. Ms. Dordi recommends a few suggestions for navigating this journey.
Self-acceptance: Embrace your sexual orientation and recognise that it is a valid and essential aspect of who you are.
Seek support: Surround yourself with supportive friends, family, or members of the LGBTQ+ community who can provide understanding and encouragement.
Educate and communicate: If your parents are willing to engage in conversation, try to maintain open communication and provide them with educational resources to enhance their understanding.
Focus on self-care: Prioritise your personal well-being and mental health. Keep yourself engaged in activities that brings joy and fulfilment.
Build an external support network: Seek out LGBTQ+ organisations or community groups where you can connect with others who share similar experiences and struggles.
Allow passage of time: Healing and acceptance, both for you and your parents, may take time. Be patient and gentle with yourself as well as with them.
Seek professional help: If the emotional impact becomes overwhelming or hinders your daily life, consider seeking support from a mental health professional who is knowledgeable about the LGBTQ+ community and its challenges.