We all have that one friend who speaks to us in the ‘you should’. ‘You should wear more dresses’, or ‘You should not wear that shade of lipstick’. There’s always that one friend who has unsolicited advice for everything—whether it’s your work, your social life, your relationships, or even your parenting skills. But whatever the shoulds or should nots that you are constantly met with, it’s not easy to tell someone ‘Thanks, but no thanks’, without offending them. After all, they’re just well-meaning, right?
As harmless as they may think it is, unsolicited advice can often be infuriating and stress-inducing, especially if you’re already concerned that you or may not be doing something the way it should be. But, you have to remember, you’re the only one that knows what’s best for you so it’s best to nip this unsolicited advice in the bud, as politely as is manageable.
Here are some polite responses you could try out:
“I’ll think about it.”
Nothing can put a matter to rest quite like this line. This works even if you don’t actually want to follow through with what you’ve said. You are merely being polite and they’re bound to drop the matter then. However, if your friend is one to follow up on what you’ve decided to do, you can always reply with the next line…
“That’s good advice but I need to consider if it’s right for me.”
You’re not saying yes, and you’re not saying no. You’re giving that friend a non-committal response that is sure to hint at you not exactly being interested. If they’re intuitive, they will pick up on your levels of interest, and let it go all on their own. Moreover, the advice given might truly not be right for you because you do things a certain way. It’s really that simple.
“That’s an interesting way to look at it, but I’d still prefer my way.”
It’s hard for some people to say no. Besides, saying no is often met with unpleasantness, and maybe a little hostility. People are different and have their unique ways of doing things. Moreover, this line works well when a friend is trying to micromanage and effect an immediate change. If you have no plans to do things their way, or change your mind, just come right out and say so.
“I’ll reach out when I need your help on the matter.”
Sometimes, we just want someone to lend us an ear; we don’t need them to fix our problems. Whether it’s your sister or best friend giving you advice on your love life, or your best friend at work telling you what to say to your boss, make it clear that you don’t need their advice. Just be firm and assertive so they know you mean business.
“I’m not going to do that.”
Sometimes, it’s the people who know the story the least who will freely offer their advice. When you hear really bad advice, just come out and say you're not going to take it. No matter who the person is, make sure that they don’t cross any lines that have been set for a reason. Don't be afraid to show them that their advice is unwanted and unvalued. It is your life after all.
Remember, if and when you do decide to respond to unsolicited advice, don’t forget to contemplate the source of the advice, and your equation with that person. Setting boundaries when it comes to friends can be a little trickier so make sure you have clearly outlined what you’re willing and unwilling to listen to. Sometimes, distance can work great to get the message across, so do what feels right for you.