*This review includes spoilers about the Netflix documentary, The Tinder Swindler.
What do we look for on a dating app, ladies? This question seems simple enough, but given that no two of us are completely similar (no, it won’t happen even if you’re besties and even your periods are synced), the answer is pretty complicated. Not all of us join those platforms looking for the same definition of love. Some might seek companionship (sexual or otherwise), others a relationship, and still others marriages and partnerships in all the colours and forms they come in.
Given this huge variety of expectations we women have when signing up for dating apps, it’s absolutely shocking to find out that one man—Simon Leviev or Shimon Hayut, as shown on the Netflix documentary, The Tinder Swindler—can get away with swindling so many women who barely have anything in common. Of course, the cruel fact of life is that these frauds, these crimes against women, occur every day and everywhere—not just on dating apps, but on matrimonial platforms too. Take the case of Bibhu Prakash Swain, for example. He’s the 66-year-old man from Odisha who has reportedly married and defrauded 27 women across India, and was recently caught by the Odisha police.
Women At The Centre Of A Grave Crime
So, no, Simon Leviev isn’t the only man in even our recent history who got away with duping women into paying for all his vices. The highlights of the story lie elsewhere. The Tinder Swindler doesn’t explain Leviev’s psychology as a criminal. By giving the women’s perspectives centre stage, the documentary gives the viewer the chance to look at the criminal through their eyes, live their experiences as and when they went through them. It gives complete space to three very different women to express what sort of companionship they expected from Leviev, the devices he used to build their trust, and the same “emergency” he used to trick these women into borrowing money to provide for him.
Cecilie Fjellhoy, the Norwegian graduate student living in London, definitely gets more attention—and rightly so. As a woman, it’s easy to have the idea of a romantic relationship she does, especially since global movie industries have catered exactly that to all of us. The idea of a whirlwind romance sounds absolutely smashing even to this author (who is so cautious that she gets away with calling herself an introvert), so why wouldn’t a young woman searching for love believe a so-called diamond industry guy (whose background she has checked to the best of her ability, by the way, using that tool we all depend on today—Google) who literally sweeps her off her feet and builds on her trust?
Pernilla Sjoholm, the Swedish woman Leviev defrauded, has a very different narrative. She is not romantically interested in him but does consider him a friend to hang out with. He shows her and all his friends a good time and showers plenty of attention—and that’s the device he uses to trick her. Ayleen Charlotte, on the other hand, seems to be a part of his longest con. She goes through everything Fjellhoy went through, but reacts very differently when she finds out the truth. In fact, they all react very differently, don’t they?
Fjellhoy goes through immense emotional and financial turmoil, and turns to the Norwegian newspaper, VG, to help uncover the truth. Sjoholm, though trapped in a similar financial fraud, goes to the extent of helping the journalists confirm Shimon Hayut is the same man as Simon Leviev. She’s the one who reaches out to Fjellhoy and the duo develop a bond. Charlotte goes even further. She not only plays an instrumental role in getting Leviev captured by the police, but also makes him indirectly pay back by confiscating and selling all his luxury brand goodies. So, while many would still look at this women’s narrative and judge these women as “gold diggers” or “simply stupid”, the fact is that the documentary presents them as very relatable women who have been victimised.
The documentary itself does not blame the victims. On the contrary, it shows them as women who were hit hard for trusting a duplicitous man, financially and emotionally, and chose to fight back in any way they could. And that’s definitely a story of resilience and renaissance worth telling.
How Did Women React To The Swindler?
But the real question to ask is, did the documentary really reach the women who perhaps need this story as a cautionary tale? Reactions gathered by this author from three women in her friend and family circles shows that the reactions are mixed, at best. One Indian woman (who chooses to remain anonymous for privacy), who has recently gone through a heartbreak on a matrimonial site, could not relate to the three women on The Tinder Swindler at all. Having never been on any dating apps, where most Indian people are not looking for marriage in any case, she was unable to understand how a man operating alone could gain these women’s trust at all, let alone swindling them out of money. This perspective is important because it reflects the fact that many Indian women who have never accessed dating apps will perhaps be unable to understand how trust can be built and broken online.
For those who have used dating apps, on the other hand, the experience of watching The Tinder Swindler was quite unlike this woman’s. “The Tinder Swindler is, according to me, every single girl’s nightmare. Imagine one swipe changing your whole life, and within weeks you find yourself in crippling debt,” says Her Circle’s Drishti Kapadia. “I’ve always treated the idea of being on a dating app with a little bit of caution and frankly, this show sealed the deal for me. You realise how curated social media really is, even though we already know it. Overall, I thank my stars I didn’t end up meeting such a scheming swindler when I was on the apps for a brief stint.” As for the show itself, Kapadia says that it’s gripping because it can make you “scramble for your phone so you can really get into the behind-the-scenes details of the whole case.”
Gripping it might be, but if you’ve been through a similar experience yourself, does that affect your perspective about The Tinder Swindler? Another friend, who chooses to remain anonymous, explains that it does. “Having personally gone through something similar, though not of such magnitude, I was able to relate to a lot of the emotions,” she said. “There are times when we are in a state of mind and vulnerable enough to fall for these so-called stereotypical ‘charming personalities’. No matter how strong we are, it’s only human to fall for such narcissistic personalities and end up suffering financially and mentally. There are times I could totally relate to the women when they got led into the trap. Especially moments when reality strikes and you realise that your worst fears have come true. I feel it’s important for people to watch this documentary and beware that behind all that jazz lies troubled times. I wish I had seen this before… I would have known better.”
The Real Question The Documentary Doesn’t Answer
Like my fellow women above, I too have a perspective on what The Tinder Swindler means to women who are watching it. As someone who’s never been on Tinder, but did spend three months on OKCupid when that app was a big deal in India, I can totally understand how dating app profiles and people can be difficult to track down and background-checked with the limited resources we do have online. You can keep all the precautions in mind and still get trapped by someone with criminal intent. The fact is, whether it’s a woman on a dating app or a matrimonial app or simply building relationships away from the virtual world, we are and have always been targeted by criminals. Whether it’s conmen, stalkers, abusers of all sorts, rapists or those who choose to oppress or exploit us in any way, crimes and violence against women have never been eliminated—and all sorts of global statistics prove this.
What The Tinder Swindler does really well is to give three women the platform to express what they went through and seek justice together. The problem is, the show also ends on the note that Simon Leviev is now scott-free despite having put so many women through so much. “Spoiler alert, the fact that Simon got out of jail after serving just five months instead of 15 might make you face-palm,” Kapadia shared, and I agree. The real question The Tinder Swindler fails to answer is “do women get the justice we deserve?”, and the answer is a disappointing and big NO.
Add to this the recent news that Leviev has actually signed a talent manager, Gina Rodriguez, in the hopes of making documentaries with his side of the story. Further, Leviev has joined Cameo, an app that helps “personalities” share their personalised videos with fans, and the latter have to pay a hefty sum ($300 for video messages and $1,400 for business videos) to access the same. The moment you realise that this man really got away with it does leave a very bitter aftertaste.
What did you think of The Tinder Swindler? Let us know in the comments below.