A few hundred relatives and friends, auspicious rituals which you have to follow perfectly, gorgeous, heavy embellished lehengas or rich, gold-embroidered Benarasi saris, unending rows of buffet tables laden with enticing foods, peals of laughter and song proving everyone is happy and this is a joyous time indeed—isn’t this just what a traditional Indian wedding looks like, no matter what your region or religion? Is there anything more festive than an Indian wedding that encompasses all of this? No, there simply isn’t.
The movies we grew up watching sure made the Indian wedding experience pan-Indian, with ceremonies like mehendi, stealing the groom’s shoes, and even a fancy bachelorette party before the event became common across regions. It’s next to impossible for millennials especially to think of getting married without at least a touch of this conditioning Bollywood movies have led us to.
But many today are choosing to have a legal (court or registry) wedding instead of these grand ceremonies which cost a fortune and are not a favourable option when it comes to maintaining social distancing norms. Apart from sorting out the legalities of married life efficiently, a simple legal wedding ceremony can also bring a lot of stress-free moments. What’s more, it gives people a chance to customise the ceremonies according to their own needs, desires and, especially, keeping the financial and physical health of their parents in mind.
However, the idea most people have of a registry wedding is, I’m sorry to say, boring. You imagine going to the courthouse dressed in fancy clothing, signing a few papers, asking witnesses to do the same, and that’s it! Where’s the festivity in that? Where’s the joy and the celebration? And yet, I know from personal experience that registry weddings can be a lot of fun, utterly festive and a great beginning to your married life—that too while being utterly eco-friendly with very little effort. Here’s how I made it happen, and you can too.
Going The Legal Wedding Route
In 2017, I had a legal wedding, held over a day, in the presence of all my family and closest friends, with everything my partner and I loved—all the things that gave us joy in real life, but without any of the pressures that bogged us down. To be honest, this very personal choice was made because neither my partner nor I felt we wanted the constant attention that comes with the standard three-five-days-long Indian wedding. Further, we wanted to focus on starting our married life, and felt a day’s worth of high-quality festivities for all would be as good as a three-day-long mega fest.
Another major reason we went for a legal wedding was the unsustainable, waste factor. As Dia Mirza pointed out during an interview with Her Circle (https://hercircle.in/engage/get-inspired/achievers/Learning-To-Live-Sustainably-Life-Lessons-And-More-By-Dia-Mirza-831.html), weddings have really become wasteful events today, and this needs to change. She pointed out that even our parents and grandparents had intimate, sustainable weddings, and so can we. Personally, I have always felt extremely hurt by food waste, and that was the kind of waste I wanted to avoid at my own wedding the most.
And so, we applied for a legal wedding and on D-Day, we held a family lunch—an intimate gathering where family and friends could mingle more informally. In the evening, we dressed up the way we loved, the advocate arrived with all the paperwork, we signed it all along with witnesses amidst peals of ululation (you know, the sound Bengalis make) by all the women, exchanged rings and garlands, and then threw an intimate party for just about 200 people.
The Benefits Of A Legal Wedding
Sounds boring and not festive at all? Trust me, it really was! It wasn’t a wedding according to the festive standards of mainstream Bollywood. It was a festive wedding customised to the needs of the people who mattered the most that day, my partner and I, and everyone we loved the most in the world. If you’re looking to make a similar choice, and wondering about the benefits of having a festive registry wedding, here are the immense positives you should know about.
Your finances are more streamlined: Knowing you have just a few ceremonies spread over a single day can reduce your costs for everything from tents and venue bookings to food and décor. An intimate wedding means you also know what most of your guests would prefer when it comes to food, music, etc. This can further help streamline your costs, which can not only be a blessing for you but also your parents.
It is more intimate: Don’t you have more fun when you are with those closest to you? Don’t you hate it when people you barely know come up to you on festive occasions and pass comments that hurt you and yours? Combine both, and you don’t need any more explanations for why an intimate wedding is more festive. You know for a fact that the spirits of the people attending will be high and their happiness for you will be genuine and all-embracing.
No pain or pressure involved: Grand weddings can be a lot of fun, when you are young. For many parents and the elderly, engaging in non-stop wedding festivities isn’t that easy even if they do want to be a part of it. Weddings can take a huge toll on parents and their health, and this pressure often falls heavily on the bride’s side. In many cases, the bride and groom’s health is also affected. None of this pain or pressure is present in a legal wedding, which can definitely make it more stress-free and festive.
The scope for sustainability is huge: Legal weddings are more manageable, and hence can be more sustainable and eco-friendly with little or no effort. When it comes to traditional weddings, you have to consider sustainable options at a much larger scale, and loopholes are more likely to show up. The same is not the case with a small, intimate or legal wedding. The likelihood of wastage is low, and if you engage a planner who can help you further, even better.
How To Make A Registry Wedding More Festive
Mention a registry wedding and the image that immediately comes to your mind is that of a bland, boring event with barely any fun. But you can change that with just a bit of thought and very little expense. Here’s how.
Set a vibrant theme: Since this type of wedding isn’t likely to last for more than a day, you can easily set a vibrant theme that can be followed through, making it a fun and novel festive experience for all. For example, I set a Bengali theme for the food, music, fashion and décor to introduce everyone to the culture I belong to. Everyone present got an immersive taste of a culture they perhaps weren’t familiar with, and it was utterly enjoyable naturally.
Add rituals you love: While religious rituals are not compulsory at a legal wedding, adding a few that you love or want to include is a great idea. If doing a havan or puja ceremony makes the day more auspicious for you, do that. A legal wedding gives you all the free rein you could ever need to make this experience valuable. You could also hold the wedding at your local temple with the blessing of the authorities, and focus on doing charity through the institution to make the day more special.
Listen to the crowd: Even at an intimate, registry wedding, there is plenty of scope for the family and friends contributing positively to the festive spirit, so utilise that. Let your friends and family present their talents, or let them take charge of areas like entertainment, music and food. Doing this can lead to the creation of a more memorable festive time that actually promoted togetherness.
Involve the elders: Registry weddings can often get confusing for the elderly because they are perhaps more used to traditional weddings. But the scope for involving them in this type of a wedding more thoroughly is clear and present. Ask them for their blessings, but expand their role further. Request them to have a session at the reception where they can share their own stories and old memories of you.
Focus on catering: It’s a well-known fact that everyone loves a great wedding buffet. Often, during multiple events spread over multiple days, the quality of food can take a hit. So ensure you get the caterers to offer a limited but high-quality menu. You can also look at curating the meal based on your cultural background, making it more festive.
Make it eco-friendly: From using kulhads, banana leaves and other ethnic utensils to avoiding all décor made of plastic, you can do it all with panache at a registry wedding reception, especially because your expenses aren’t being spread out over multiple days. Go for a good planner if you need to, or ask enthusiastic family and friends to help you out with organising an eco-friendly wedding. Take a cue from your grandparents to make this a green wedding like the ones they had decades ago.
Disclaimer: Opinions in this article belong to the author, and are not written with the intention of hurting any religious or ethnic sentiments.