Do you feel a sense of crippling anxiety when your work life looks like a train wreck to you? Do you feel a sense of utter frustration when you feel you are not where you should be in your career? Between bouts of annoyance and self-doubt, our sense of self-worth seems to be having an existential crisis of its own. Is it the job, is it you or is it the circumstances, you wonder? The answer varies in every session of overthinking.
The thing is, we’ve grown up being told that we will be respected if we are doing well in our lives. In school, you are respected—by your teachers, by your peers, by your relatives and family—if you are a high-ranker. Lack of good results is seen as a sign of laziness, low IQ and what not when you’re in school. And then we spend a good decade or two focusing simply on succeeding in our careers so we can be what society sees as upstanding citizens. Where, in all of this, are we told that we can be successful people, even if we aren’t making as much money as Sharmaji’s child? Doesn’t being kind and independent make us good at what we are, that is, human?
We are so conditioned to attach our self-worth to our careers, that now that we understand the ramifications of it, we have to unlearn all of it. Here’s why we must not define ourselves by our careers.
You become enmeshed with your work
Sama Meerza, a social media executive, who finds herself drowning in her work, even after office hours, finds it difficult to disconnect from her job. “Lately, I have realised that when I am not working, I am talking about work. It takes a great deal of loosening up for me to not meet people and ask them what they do for a living, and then get on a discussion about work,” Sama expressed. She added that she often would find herself attaching her self-worth to the job she had, and the brand she worked for. We start revolving our lives around work and before we know it, we are part of the enmeshment trap that leaves us with no time to disconnect, eventually leading to burnout.
You end up settling for less
There are highs and lows in our careers, and sometimes, we tend to see the lows as what defines us. Shama Nimkar, a media professional says, “I recently quit my job as a content manager for a fashion brand. I come from a journalism background and after trying out copywriting, I realised I wasn’t enjoying it. Working around 14 hours a day didn’t help either. Logically speaking, I was aware that I had legit reasons to quit. But due to my existential crisis, I started wondering if I am a quitter.”
She further added, “Since copywriting was new to me, in the initial few days I had to revise my work a lot. And it would bring on this crippling feeling of not being good enough. But then I learnt to keep self-doubt aside, and know it’s just a part of learning.” Nimkar bounced back and is now working hard towards something that motivates her each day, instead of settling for what didn’t help her grow. If your self-worth is affected by the lows of your career, you will end up losing faith in your capabilities and fail to see what you truly deserve.
You are prone to developing an identity crisis
We invest a huge chunk of our waking hours into our work. When we meet someone, or if we ever have to write our bio on an app, we unfailingly mention what we do for a living. But life is unpredictable, and sometimes people lose jobs or stop enjoying the ones that they always did. Karishma Chiplunkar, a yoga professional who used to be a stylist found herself in an identity crisis when she decided styling wasn’t for her. “I studied fashion styling from a reputed institute, I worked extensively with so many high-profile clients and I gave it my all. But then it hit me, it was no longer a dream for me to make it big as a stylist. And then came the identity crisis. If I am not a stylist then who am I? Quitting made me feel like I am not doing well in life overall.”
She started learning yoga to deal with her anxiety and realised she would like to become a professional. Chiplunkar is pursuing Masters in Yoga and is teaching in a leading fitness chain in India. “If I hadn’t recovered from the identity crisis and self-worth that came with quitting my job, I would have never understood that my sense of self goes beyond what I do for a living.”
You are a person, and what you do to be financially independent is just one part of you. Never forget that.
Your relationships take a hit
Ananya (name changed) had been feeling disconnected from her fiancé, and she didn’t know what was causing that. “I was going through a difficult phase at work, making me feel not good enough. At the same time, I felt disconnected from my partner, often unable to feel the warmth he gave me. There was nothing wrong with our relationship and I couldn’t understand what was causing this. Until one day when I told him about how I felt and he instantly said it’s because of my work. And it hit me then, he was right. How will I feel connected with another person if I am feeling disconnected with my own self, as I watched my self-worth drown each time I couldn’t excel at my job?”
Mitali Shah, a writer, feels similarly about validation at work. “If my boss pays me a compliment, I am over the moon. I feel confident and proud of myself. I can't help but seek approval and validation from others to make myself feel good. And while there is nothing wrong with this, my work has a lot more control over me than it should. It plays a huge role in how I view myself. And in my experience, this leads to a fragile sense of wellbeing. One slight slip up at work and I go from happy-go-lucky to weepy, snotty, insecure in no time.”
Validation is sweet but if we let it affect ourselves so much, we will become a slave of our jobs. Our sense of self should be strong enough to not crumble with criticism because let’s admit it, there’s plenty of it out there.
You stop being productive in other aspects of your life
Nimkar, as mentioned before, realised that she was hit hard by a loss of self-worth and the consequent anxiety when she stopped being productive in other aspects of her life. “I used to exercise religiously, coming from a sports background. But I was so lost and stressed at the same time, I stopped sleeping properly at night. With hair fall and lethargy increasing, I realised it is affecting me in more ways than one.”
When you lose your self-confidence, you tend to accept failure in other aspects of your life. It kills your motivation to be productive, even outside work.
Also Read: The Road To Success: How To Learn From Your Failures Better
Also Read: 5 Ways To Not Let Your Emotions Affect Your Efficiency At Work